that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Weak or Strong?

on September 30, 2013

Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, we are weak, but He is strong

 

Remember it? Since Fri. I can’t tell you the amount of people that have told me how strong I am… Boy you all would have been so disappointed if you would have seen me in the early hours of this beautiful morning. I stay busy at all times to keep my mind silent, but it’s those quiet moments when I should be reflecting on the blessings that God has given me. Satan seems to move in and fill my head with fear. Loads and loads of thick fear that makes my chest feel tight and like someone is strangling me. It’s not a good fear at all. Someone once told me that if you fear then you don’t have faith. I don’t want to make that statement come true. I have terrible anxiety and have had it since my dear Mama passed away 6 years ago. I have tried to pray and pray it away and God always helps me through every situation, but it’s always in my head. The what ifs, the how’s and why’s of every blessed situation. I would love to wake up one day and just live in the moment.

 

To face my fears I have to talk about the blessings. Many blessings have come my way since Friday. When I received the news Fri afternoon I called my dear friend Kim to tell her. She said the most beautiful prayers over me and I felt peace. Like God Himself wrapped His arms around me right there in that little hospital room. She in turn told our friend Karen who sent me this text, “The Son of Man did not come to destroy lives, but to save them. Luke 9:56, He healed every kind of disease and illness, Matthew 4:23, He healed those who were sick. Luke 9:11, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you. John 1:2” She was speaking grace and mercy in my life when I least expected it. God knew I needed to hear that in that moment! That evening my dear friend Carolyn came to see me at the hospital and said the whole way driving she felt God wanting her to share a verse with me. Luke 9:56… The exact one my friend Karen had sent me earlier in the day. Coincidence? I think not! Again God spoke through my friends to make it clear to me that He loves me and He is with me through this journey!

Saturday when I got home a sweet lady Dolores from our church who is a cancer survivor herself showed up at my door unannounced and brought loads of yummy food from Boston Market and a bag full of snacks and drinks for the kids. And a beautiful sweet prayer over me. That night another dear friend Leta dropped in and brought beautiful fall flowers a card and magnets that say never ever give up! While she was here my fishing buddies Heather and Ian stopped by to bring me homemade goods from there business. ( A little plug, it’s called Our Home and they make amazing homemade canned goods!) We all visited for a while and it was what I needed to clear my head of the bad and bring the good through!!

Sunday morning I woke up in loads of pain, however I slept like a rock and had a little energy. I decided as long as I am good and able I am going to church. The love I felt surrounding me had me in tears the whole service. God was with me and I knew it. The prayers and hugs and sweet words of encouragement that met me in those pews was all God letting me know that He has everything under control. I went ahead and taught my Sunday School class of amazing 6-8th graders and a few high schoolers that for some reason don’t want to let go. ( I’m glad they don’t because I love them so much!) 😉

During Sunday school our friends Mike and Shannon who are due next month with sweet baby boys text me to say we are bringing over pizza! Another blessing! As they were here visiting my sweet Kim stopped by with her husband Curtis and brought me canvases so I could paint bible verses to put on my encouragement wall! The fact that she listened to my thoughts that I wanted to do something and bought me the supplies to do it.. amazing!!

Last night my friend Lori brought us the most amazing pot roast! Seriously there was a party going on in my mouth. Tender and yummy! She also brought beautiful fall flowers and lots of treats and goodies for us. Then she handed me a little angel that fits right in my hand. It meant the world to me to know that whenever I am afraid I can look at it or hold it and know that God is with me. Not that I don’t know He is with me whenever, but to have something to hold makes it even sweeter!

My phone has been blowing up since Fri. with text and phone calls of encouragement and love and support. So much that it is overwhelming! It makes me question what I did to deserve this?  Have I been this good to others in time of need? All I know is God is good! He is walking with me and just like the old beautiful poem I know I will only see one set of footprints as He carries me through the hard times.

What are you facing today? Can I pray about something with you? Do you need encouragement? Maybe you just need to know that someone is listening. I pray that whatever it is God will surround you with His love whether it be through friends or neighbors. Maybe even family. Always, always praise Him through the storm!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ

 

~Matthew 4:23 He healed every kind of disease and illness!

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4 responses to “Weak or Strong?

  1. April says:

    Girl you got this! God has an amazing future planned for you. If you need anything let us know!

  2. Freida says:

    Dear God, Please give Sarah Your Strength; fill her with Your Divine Quiet so that she can feel Your Presence. Amen

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