that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

AFV… 10 Grand? Yes please!

on October 14, 2013

I have told you about all the sad and boring stuff about cancer, but can I share the funny stuff now? I’m thinking if someone was video taping my life right now, I would be guaranteed the $10,000 without a doubt!

I have talked about my Nephrostomy Tube, but not in detail and I think you all need to know the ups and downs I have had with this thing. It is strapped to my leg like a pistol holster and the tube runs up the back of my thigh and inserted into my back. There is enough tape applied to it that the tape is started to defy me and want to flip over and stick to shirts and sheets and whatever else I decide to lean up against. The past couple of days I have felt “wetness” around my thigh and not that much liquid in the bag. I thought well the Dr. did say that it might “seep” a little from my back. Today I finally had enough and followed my hands up my back. No wetness… Ok well I flushed the line with saline to see if the port was leaking. No wetness… I gave up. After a busy morning I decided to lay down on the couch for a nap.

When I woke up I was soaked. Good Lord I was sure I had peed all over myself, but it was my shirt that was wet where I had laid my bag to go to sleep. After much investigation I realized that my bag had a hole in it… Yes I really had peed on myself only through the bag. I could not believe it! I went to get up and the tape holding the sucker in was stuck to the couch because my shirt had come up some. I had to put my hand back and peel the tape off the couch as not to pull on my tube and my other arm is trying to hold up the bag so I wouldn’t pee on myself anymore!

After going upstairs I had decided to do a sponge bath after the nightmare I endured last night… Our master bath only has a stand up shower stall. Since I cannot get my back wet because of the tube I have been sitting down on the floor leaning over to wash my hair and shave my legs because it’s easier then standing up and risking getting the tube wet. A sweet friend of mine gave me a shower seat in hopes of taking the strain off of getting up and down off the floor. It was a little worn and I’m not exactly a small girl so you can imagine what happened next.

I cannot get the picc line in my arm wet so I took the waterproof arm cover that my son used this summer when he broke his arm and put it over my picc line. It was a little tight, but I thought I wouldn’t be in there that long so it should be fine. After applying all the apparatus to my body to take a simple shower, I stepped in and began the journey of getting clean. I washed my hair leaning over and washed my body and then I decided to sit down and shave my legs. I sat on that shower bench and all 4 legs did the splits! I was going down quickly and trying to grasp for anything to soften the blow! It was the funniest experience I have ever endured in the shower. By this time I figured I was already sitting down on the floor so I will carry on shaving my legs.

I was leaning over almost done and started to get lightheaded. I hurried up and finished and got out only to discover that the lightheadedness was getting worse. What in the world was wrong with me?!? I suddenly couldn’t feel my arm and I looked down and my arm was blue. I quickly called my hubby to come help me get this waterproof thing off my arm! He ran up the steps and after 2 minutes with both of us pulling and pushing trying not to snag the picc line we finally got it off. So there I stood butt naked, with a wet tube hanging out my back, a VERY purple mark around my upper arm and loads of conditioner still in my hair because I forgot to wash it all out.

Y’all I can’t make this stuff up!!! I really wish I could, but I can’t. This is my life now! I was talking to my sisters today and telling them this story. One of them ask me if I still had to sit on the toilet to pee… Yes I still have one good kidney that forces me to sit on a toilet. No it doesn’t come out in the bag the same time I go to the toilet. I told them about the shower seat and my oldest says oh I have a whole geriatric warehouse of goods from when our Mom was sick with cancer. I told her to send me the shower seat. She said would you like the porta potty as well? I told her just send half of it. 😉

There is so much funny in my life right now that I can’t dwell on the ugly!

Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones


2 responses to “AFV… 10 Grand? Yes please!

  1. Kathi Unterbrink says:

    Oh my gosh!! Yes, you are right – – you can’t make this stuff up. I hope you got all put back together and felt better after having a “shower”. Love ya

  2. Cheryl says:

    Thanks for the visual! Ha-ha!
    Now, to everyone else reading this blog – please check out a new page that was set up for Sarah (not by Sarah) at
    I will put this in the comments a few times to make sure everyone has seen it. Please forward it to as many people as you can. Thank you!!!

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