that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Let’s just be honest…

on October 24, 2013

I am trying to have the best attitude through all of this. People are telling me that I am brave and strong and all sorts of descriptive words. None of them seem to fit me today…

I probably should not write when I am in pain as it may come out to be a “whoa is me, snot fest”. However today has been rough, really rough. I woke up feeling rough and rough has stuck close with me today. I’m trying to get over this cold so my ears are slowly starting to clog up so I am trying to hear and it’s disturbing to hear my heart beat non stop along with that swishing sound all day. I’m on loads of pain killers and other meds that quite frankly can stop you up like a cork! Yes, I’m being that honest. And although they said it would go away after the first week, which for the most part it has, but the bleeding has come back with a vengeance today. It is making my hips feel like they will snap off at any time it hurts that bad. I want to rip out all the tubes that are hanging out of me because  they are really starting to bother me and making me feel claustrophobic.  So how is that for honesty?

I’m trying folks, I’m trying hard to be a witness through all of this. I’m trying to be someone that is positive and has a good outlook on this situation…. Today is not one of those days and tonight I am coveting your prayers. Whether you pray or give good thoughts or positive vibes, whatever it may be, I could use your prayers.

I did have the blessing of a dear friend surprising me at radiation today and it was so wonderful to have someone there. As much as I didn’t think I wanted to face anyone today in my sorrow it was good to have her with me even if for just a little bit. It’s the little things folks that keep this girl going. I am praying to wake up tomorrow with complete hearing back in both ears, no bleeding, no cramping and sorry but a bathroom trip would be lovely! God will take care of me and although it seems extremely overwhelming tonight, joy comes in the morning! Thank you for your prayers!!

 

Psalms 30:5 …Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

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