that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

My Peace

on January 14, 2014

seagull

I remember as a kid we would drive over the bridge from Falling Waters, WV  into Hagerstown, MD. I would have my nose pressed against the window and I would say look Daddy, look Mommy, it’s the ocean!!! It was the Potomac River… No lie I thought that was it. 😉 I remember coming back from summer breaks and the teacher would ask us all to say one special thing that we did over the summer. Most of the class would talk about there vacations to one beach or the other. Mine usually consisted of fishing and hanging out with all my friends. We never went to the beach. We didn’t have the money for vacations each summer. Although my Mom and Dad worked hard, it was also hard raising all of us kids and paying for school, sports and so many more activities. The one and only vacation I can remember was to Dutch Wonderland in PA. Then on to visit the amish life in Lancaster. To me it was awesome!

The night that Darin and I met I told him I had never seen the ocean before. He laughed because he thought I was joking. I told him I was dead serious and he told me lets go now… Yeah not kind of knowing someone then going on a trip the first night you meet… Kinda creepy. 😉 However by the beginning of the next month our trip was planned for a weekend in Virginia Beach. When we got there it was really early in the morning and we sat on the boardwalk to wait. The sun started to peak up over the waters and I stopped breathing. It was the most amazing, glorious, beautiful thing I fell in love with. I just sat and stared. The seagulls flew all around us and the sound of the waves were music to me. One I had never heard before. Sure I had seen pictures and heard stories, but until you stand on that shore for the first time and see this masterpiece that God has created, then and only then did it become so real to me.

Little did I know that about a year later I would be moving to Virginia beach. Since then I have become a true to life beach bum. We have what we call “Our Spot” along the bay right by the base of the Bay Bridge tunnel. We swim, we relax, we fish, we have picnics and evening walks. This may sound strange to some, but I feel God there. It’s a place where I can breath, I feel peace. I sit in my chair, close my eyes and hear the laughter of my kids running around me and jumping in the water, I feel my husbands hand in mine as we are relaxing together. We laugh as the kids chase the seagulls away from our picnic lunch. This has become our life. One that I truly can’t complain about.

I have wanted to go to the beach so bad through this sickness, but it has been to cold and frankly I do not have the energy to walk to our spot. I know that it’s something I need to try and do soon though as I need to feel that peace. Today when I woke up I wasn’t feeling to great and I thought about the beach and wanting to go so bad. When I look out my bedroom window in our 2 story house I can see my neighbors one story roof. As I lay there for a few minutes trying to muster up the energy to get up, I heard some chirping and a little squawking. I sat up a little and looked out the window and there on my neighbors roof sat 3 seagulls. I truly believe God put them there for me, to encourage me. He knows my love of the beach and he knows that seeing things such as these seagulls will remind me that “our spot” is still there and I believe He will help me get back there soon! I watched those birds and smiled until they flew off. SO many hate seagulls as they are the bottom feeders of the bird world, but I think they are beautiful and when in flight are breathtaking.

We can’t and won’t always have things in life go our way, but it is so wonderful to know a God that will bring little reminders in our day to day life to remind us that he loves us. I will get my strength back and I will get back to “our spot” and I will sit in my chair and listen for the laughter of our kiddos loving life and enjoying the simpler things!

What gentle reminders has God shown you lately?

Matthew 11:28-30  Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

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