that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

God’s Plan’s and a Teenager??

on January 17, 2014


I was never going to have kids. Of course as a little girl I wanted them and would play house with my sister Becky. However as I got older and saw the stress that my parents were under by dealing with all of us kids I decided I didn’t want kids. I would babysit, but as long as could give them back then all was good. 😉

After I met my sweet hubby and we got married we agreed that we wanted kids. After trying for what seemed like an eternity we found out we were having a baby! The day that beautiful little chubby cheek baby girl was placed in my arms, my life changed. The love I felt was something I had never felt before. I was a Mom and the love between my husband and I had made this perfect beautiful little human being. We named her Montana Rose and she was ours. This weekend that sweet little girl turns 13. I can’t believe we will have a teenager and I honestly can’t be more proud of what a beautiful young woman she has turned into.

Yesterday I had a Dr. appointment and he told me that he doesn’t think I can beat this thing. He is not positive that the surgery worked and said more than likely I will have to have a picc line put back in and start chemo and radiation again to prolong things… I stayed quiet on the ride home as so many different thoughts were roaming around my head. I went upstairs and started to rearrange Montana’s room as part of her birthday gift was a new piece of furniture and a few other teenage room things. Darin came up to bring me some water and I lost it. I cried on his shoulder and told him this was not the way it was supposed to be. I want to grow old with him and watch our beautiful children grow up. I want to celebrate weddings with our kids and hold our future grandkids. This was not my plan.

You know what? Medicine is still a practice. God has the final say so in my life and no Dr can change that no matter how hard they try. I refuse to allow this news to bring me down when we haven’t even gotten back the test results from the surgery.

Until then I am going to enjoy celebrating my sweet Montana’s birthday this weekend and hopefully I will celebrate her 16th and 20th and many more after that. God has a plan for my life and just like the verse says, plans not to harm me, but to give me hope. Thank you Jesus for whatever your plans are for my life and give me the courage to accept what they are!

Happy Birthday Montana Rose!!


Jeremiah 29:11   For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope


One response to “God’s Plan’s and a Teenager??

  1. Betty says:

    Still praying for a miracle and complete healing for you. It sometimes happens, those miracles we hope for, so don’t give up your believe in them. Positive thoughts coming your way. Hope Montana has the best birthday ever and you smile all day with love for you baby girl.

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