that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

My Daddy’s Hands

on January 22, 2014

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I still call my Dad, my Daddy. It doesn’t matter how old I get whenever I call him or he calls me it’s always, “hey Daddy, how are you?” Some people think it’s weird that I still call him Daddy, but it will never change. I am a Daddy’s girl and I always will be. Growing up he would take turns taking each of us kids on dates to a restaurant and then he would let us pick out a toy from the local five and dime store. It was what I looked forward to all the time. Being the baby of 5 it was hard to get one on one time with our parents, but those dates meant I had 2 hours with my Daddy that I didn’t have to share with anyone else.

When we would sit in his old pickup he would turn on his oldies and we would sing together and he would reach over and hold my hand. He had and still has the biggest hands I have ever held. They were rock hard from all the calluses. He was a very hard working man and those hands proved it. I always felt like my hand was so small in his, but holding them they made me feel so safe like no one could ever hurt me.

Two years ago we went up north to spend some time with Dad and we took him to the parade that was a tradition that he took us to growing up. As we sat there watching the cars, fire trucks and floats go by Daddy reached over and held my hand and even as an adult my hand got lost in his. The picture I put with this blog is when he did that. I took my camera and snapped a quick picture because I always wanted to remember that feeling of my hand in his. That safe feeling that I get knowing that no one could hurt me when my Daddy is with me.

As I have gone through this cancer journey I have wished so many times that Daddy lived close so I could just hold his hand and feel that comfort and safety. I may not have my physical Daddy with me, but I have my spiritual Daddy with me. God is my heavenly Father and I know He is holding my hand and I have nothing to fear as long as He is close and holding my hand. This week has been a tough week. The pain at times has been almost unbearable. I still have not healed from the surgery and I lay in bed or sit on the couch and I just cry because I don’t know what to do. My body has gotten used to the pain meds so they are not working.

I cry out to God to just help me, to just take some of the pain away. I ask Him where is He and does He hear my cry? Last night I was up till about 2am. I always keep my window open on my side of the bed because I have to have fresh air. I laid there and could hear the snow falling. It was such a quiet night and so bright because of the cloud cover. I laid there and was trying to control my mind and not let myself get out of control. I felt alone and desperate for God to help take away the pain. I thought again of my Daddy and those big hands and wished I could just hold his hand. At that moment while my husband slept beside me, he reached over and held me hand. I looked at him and he was fast asleep.

Instantly I felt that inner voice that said, I am here. God was reminding me that I am not alone. Within 5 minutes I was fast asleep. I know that God is with me, I know He is holding my hand through this. It will not be my timing, but in God’s timing He is going to do something big!! I have to walk through this painful valley to get to the top of the mountain. I may struggle for months or even years, but I know that God is not leaving me. I may only see one set of footprints in that sand for quite some time, but I have no doubt who is carrying me through this storm.

Who is holding your hand tonight? Do you feel safe? Do you feel comforted? What valley are you going through right now? Do you know that you don’t have to go through it alone? God is there, all you have to do is call out His name and you never have to be alone.

Psalms 23  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

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3 responses to “My Daddy’s Hands

  1. Kelli Williams says:

    This is so sweet and beautiful Sarah.

  2. Amy Brooks says:

    I called my dad Daddy too! I know exactly what you mean….I’m glad you have that picture of your hand in his-I wish I had one of me and my dad! God bless you on this journey, Sarah. Keep walking and keep holding HIS hand.

  3. Sharon Albright says:

    I call my Dad, Daddy too. I remember his prayers for me. Daddy knew how to pray. He didn’t care if others seen him cry when he prayed, he was talking to his Father in Heaven. You have such a dear Daddy and a precious husband. Our Heavenly Father loves us so. He has blessed you with His comfort and love. You are a special child of His. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and you are loved. I ask our Lord to please help Sarah today. I ask for a special miracle for a special child of His. I am praying.

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