that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer


on January 30, 2014



When Darin and I were Christmas shopping, Darin decided that each boy needed a behind the door basketball set. This isn’t your standard set. This counts your points and has a speaker that cheers you on, breakaway rim, the works! Jax and Caleb absolutely LOVED them and set them up right away.

Mind you our home was built in the 60’s when I am assuming they didn’t use much insulation to deaden sound. Day after day since Christmas I hear them jumping and running and every time the ball hits the door it clangs and I’m pretty sure our chandelier in the dining room has lowered itself at least 2 inches from them jumping.

I certainly don’t mind our kids having fun, but my blessed nerves have just about reached the point of no return from the jumping and the banging! Tuesday night into Wednesday we ended up with almost a foot of snow. Craziness at the beach since we just aren’t used to this kind of action from the sky. School has been cancelled Wednesday and Thursday and we just got the phone call that they will be off again tomorrow…

Since the kids have had excessive amount of time inside, the basketball banging and jumping has increased 10x the amount that I want to hear. Yesterday Darin and I were sitting in the living room watching TV and they were so loud we couldn’t even hear the TV. We both yelled up at the same time, STOP!! Not sure how your kids react when you yell, but the usual answer from ours is, Huh? Were you talking to me?…

I thought about it and realized how much I am like our kids. How many times do I do things that more than likely leave God shaking His head and He gently tries to nudge me away from the bad things I might be doing and when I keep on and keep on He eventually has to yell, STOP!!!

We run a bible study group in our home and the series we are working on is off a book called, “Not a Fan”. I HIGHLY recommend it if you like to read. Anyway there is a journal that goes with it and each day it gives you thoughts to think on and challenges to do. Yesterday the challenge really made me think. It said what if God was in human form and spent the entire day with you. Would you do things differently or act differently? Would you take Him around your normal friends and would you talk the same way you normally did.

I sat and evaluated my life the way it is right now. I thought if God was with me for the day, how many times would He have had to say STOP to me? I may not be out visiting the bars and taking drugs or even killing someone, but I still sin. Our pastor once said a sin is a sin, there is not one worse then the other. Whether it’s a little white lie or you murdered someone, it’s still a sin. We all sin and God is trying to say STOP what you are doing and follow me. I’m doing my best to follow Him and at the same time be a witness to someone else, by the way I live my life.

God wants us to jump around and have fun just like we want our boys to have fun, but that time will come when He has to yell STOP and we can’t say huh? Are you talking to me? We have to say Yes Lord, I am listening.

Believe me, through this journey of having cancer, I haven’t always felt like a Christian. I yell at God and question Him. I think bad thoughts against certain Dr.s that haven’t treated me right, I have taken my pain out on my husband and kids. Even today I got upset with Darin because I was in pain and he wanted to do donuts in the church parking lot and it scared the bejebees out of me. I was upset with God because I feel like I am constantly begging Him to heal me. At this point I’m not even asking for total healing. I am just asking Him to heal the little things that compound and make me feel terrible. I have heard God say Stop to me a lot lately. Stop with my anger, stop with my attitude and stop blaming others for my pain.

I have a long road ahead of me and if I don’t have a better attitude about it then I don’t believe that God will bless me or help me. You all may see a strong woman, but behind the closed door of our home, I am a complete wimp and cry more then I want to admit. If God were with me all day long in human form I would want to be a much better person that what I have been.

What about you? If God was with you all day long, how many times would He have to say stop to you?

(Right now one of them is upstairs playing the recorder… Worst instrument ever invented! That is a whole other blog) 😉

Luke 9:23   Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me



One response to “STOP!!!

  1. Sharon Albright says:

    You are loved. God uses those that are open to His leading. He knows us and still loves us. I am praying. I love you.

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