that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

What were you made For?

on February 6, 2014

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Over and over the question constantly goes through my head. This thought and feeling that weighs so heavy on my heart and I’m not sure what to do with it. I WAS MADE FOR MORE THAN THIS…

It started last year as just a small thought. I pushed it aside and it came to me again and again till I thought about it daily. I have had multiple dreams of me speaking in front of thousands of people. (Of course I know that is certainly not a dream from God because surely He knows I would die of a heart attack if I even spoke in front of 20 people!!) However this continues on and on. I question God because I think, am I to take this as you will get me through this and I am to help others by telling my story? Certainly He wouldn’t bring me into this world to die of a disease before I can tell everyone a testimony of our amazing God.

I’m really not sure what to think of this, but it seriously has me questioning everything that I do or say. Do you ever wished you lived in the bible days where they had no question that they certainly heard from God? Maybe He could send an angel and let me know what this is all about. That way I would be certain of what I was to do. Of course I would clearly have to change my underwear after seeing an angel, but there would be no question that I knew what I was to do… Only if it could be that easy!

However life is not easy and maybe it’s just me, but I am wearing down quickly. Not just from the cancer, but everything that could go wrong seems to be going wrong lately. Darin’s work vehicle is falling apart, the ice dispenser quit working, the kids sink is clogged… again. It’s loads of little things that are falling apart, but seriously those little things add up quickly! It wears a person down!

Then it’s the mental aspect of things. My Dad is still in rehab from his knee replacement and I struggle that I am not up there to help. They have had so much snow and ice, but faithfully my sister Laura is there everyday to make sure everything is going good and to visit with Dad.  They don’t have phones in the rooms, so she also goes everyday so I can talk to my Daddy. She is amazing, but it hurts me to hear that she is doing all this stuff and she is stressed and wearing down, I wish I was up there helping. All this stuff on top of cancer just adds up and I think, I was made for more than this. We were made for more than this!

God you know my heart and you know my future and I pray to the best of my ability to proclaim your love for us in whatever circumstance I may face! Whatever you have in store for me I will accept it!

What were you made for? Do you want to be a life changer or one who stands in the shadows. Think about it tonight.

 

Romans 12:2   And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect

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One response to “What were you made For?

  1. Sharon Albright says:

    Sarah, Again your words have brought encouragement to my heart. I have been wondering the same thing-if only I knew … The song has been brought to my mind many times in the last week-“God will make a way when there seems to be no way, He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me…” When I say a prayer for you, I receive a peace in my heart knowing that God is hearing me. I know He is hearing you too. You are loved.

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