that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Which Path?

on February 28, 2014

narrowpath

Things happen for a reason… Ever heard that? I have, approximately 1 million + times. When my Mom passed away I know people meant well, but I must have heard that phrase 2000 times in one day. I do believe in certain circumstances that things happen for a reason, but in others I think they happen simply for the fact that they happen. When I first got cancer I will admit that other then being scared, I was a little bitter.

I will back up a little and tell you that I am not proud of my past. I was raised in a wonderful, loving, Christian home. My Daddy was a Reverend and my Mom was a prayer warrior. However I made the decision to see what the world had to offer. If it looked appealing, I tried it, I smoked it, I drank it and much more. I live with the regret of leading people down the wrong path, for buying drinks and smokes for underage friends. I did so much to hurt so many people when I knew better. I mocked the church and God because I wanted to “fit in” with the crowd that I thought were “friends”. After I married I started back to church and lived the “Christian” life. I sang in the choir and led Sunday School. I worked in the nursery and helped wherever I could in the church. I look back now and I may have looked like the perfect Christian to some, but I was only praising God with my lips and not with my heart.

When Mom passed I got angry at God, at the church and anyone that was associated with religion in any way, shape or form. Mom’s goal in life was to get people saved. She volunteered for everything! She had a heart of gold and I told God that I wanted nothing to do with Him because he took someone that was so wonderful. I have said this before that I questioned God all the time. I said there are rapist and murderers out there, why would you take my Mom who loved you so much! 2 years later after asking that question again I got my answer. It wasn’t like God stood in front of me, but that voice was clear as anything. It said, She was ready, they are not.

I knew at that moment that  was in the wrong. I looked around and realized how far I had gone. I was away from church, away from God and away from my family. I felt alone and knew that if God would have me, I needed to get back to Him. It wasn’t a quick turn around. It was painful and slow and it is still a daily struggle, but I am back where I need to be. I am not ashamed of who I am now. Even before as a Christian I wasn’t bold about sharing God with others. I didn’t want to raise my hands in church because I thought people would look at me funny, but I have walked the path, I have tried most everything under the sun and I realize that none of it is worth losing the love of God. I have nothing to lose by telling others about God. I may lose “friends”, I may lose family, I may lose business or people who just don’t want to hear it. I know though by sharing about God that I will never lose His love for me.

When I was sitting on that gurney on September 27, 2013 and heard those words, you have cancer, I thought my world had come crashing down around me. I cried out to God, that I have been serving you and trying to be a witness for you, I teach Sunday School and so much more and you gave me cancer??? Oh I was mad! The first thing one of the nurses said to me was, things happen for a reason. I wanted to strangle her in that moment! I look back now and can honestly say, Thank you God for giving me cancer!!

Yes, I am thanking God because I have been able to witness to countless nurses and doctors, teachers and friends, strangers and so many more! I have this blog that I can share God with so many people around the world! I have had people in other countries reading what I have to say. But they are not my words… Every time before I write, I pray Dear God, let my words be yours. I want to help others, I want to be a light for God so that no one ever has to question whether I am a Christian or not. I want to live like my Mama and live the legacy she left for all of us.

Yes, things do happen for a reason. God doesn’t punish us and make bad things happen to the ones He loves. He never said that living a Christian life would be easy. He said it would be a narrow path, not a wide easy one. I’m not angry that I have cancer, I am honored that God picked me. He loves me enough and trust me enough that I will continue to praise His name and be a witness to others even through the pain.

What path are you walking today? Are you on the wide, easy path? You feel good and don’t have to many worries in life. Or are you on the narrow path and feel like so much is going on that you can hardly breathe? Whichever path you are on, God is still with you and loving you regardless of what you think of Him. Look at your situation and try to find the good in it.

Matthew 7:13-14  13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

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One response to “Which Path?

  1. Sharon Albright says:

    Your mother’s and Dad’s prayers and encouragement have been a lifeline for me many times! God bless you, dear Sarah, for allowing God to use you for His vessel of encouragement. I love you! I am still praying!

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