that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Go and LIVE Life!!

on April 14, 2014

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I got behind the wheel of my Dad’s 1972 Buick LeSabre complete with wool lined seat covers and was told to parallel park… Excuse me officer, did you happen to see that the car is longer then the length of what you set those cones up? She didn’t budge and said if I wanted my license I would have to park it. Well I got it in between those cones, but was 3 feet away from the curb so I failed. I begged her to please give me a second chance, but I don’t believe she had a hug yet that day and the bitterness continued with a firm no. I walked away from the DMV with my head hung low in pure defeat. Maybe if my parents didn’t have such huge cars I would have parked with ease, maybe if I had taken that few more seconds to concentrate then I would have got it closer.

The next week I went in again and was hoping I wouldn’t have the same officer for my driving test. She walked out of the office and looked at me and we both groaned when we realized we were at it again. This time I got the car 2 feet from the curb and was pretty pleased with myself! She however told me 12 inches or less to pass and stamped another “failed” stamp on my paperwork and sent me on my way. Once again I ask for a second chance and she didn’t even acknowledge me. She just got out of the car and went back inside. Suddenly I was so angry at my father for this stupid car that was at least 3 times the size of a normal car! Dad on the other hand said, “If you learn to drive a huge car and park it, then you will be able to park anything”!… I didn’t agree at that moment.

The next week I went in and for the love of Pete that same officer came out again!! Good grief did this woman ever take a day off? I seriously wanted to walk away, but kept my chin up and said lets go! When it came time to park, I pulled that sucker right up on the curb and looked at her and said, “this would fall under the 12 inches or less category right?” Oh I wish they would have had Instagram or Facebook back then because the look on her face was priceless! She stamped, “Passed” on my paperwork and thus began my driving!

When I found out I had cancer, I begged God for a second chance. I pleaded with Him to not let me go. I wanted to stay with our kids and my hubby. I thought maybe if I had done things differently or not done certain things in life, would I have cancer? What if I did something to trigger it. I wanted to blame someone or something, but I couldn’t. This was me and my story and regardless of the outcome I had to live it and fight it!

Through this journey, most days I knew God had a plan. I kept having dreams of me speaking to thousands of women at conferences… (Which is definitely not my dream because I don’t speak in front of anyone!) I had dreams of me writing a book and singing in church. I didn’t know what they meant, but I knew God had something big planned for me! Those painful days of chemo and radiation and infections and hospital stays though… I didn’t know if I would make it on those days. Those were the times of me pleading with God to please God, give me a second chance. If I were to die I know where I would go, but I’m just not ready to go.

I wrote about having my tube replaced and them thinking that maybe the cancer had gotten into my lymph nodes because they were enlarged on the screen. Well my doctor moved up my PET scan to this past Tuesday. She told me I would have the results by Friday. Well Thursday my lack of patience that I have talked about frequently got the best of me and I called my doctor. The receptionist said that she had just got done printing the results and gave them to the doctor and she would call me later. That phone never left my hand the whole day. I rejected phone calls and text because I wanted nothing to interfere with her calling. By two in the afternoon I still hadn’t heard from her and I called the office again. I told them I realize I’m not her only patient, but I was ready to pee my pants waiting! They promised that they would get the message to her to call… She never called back.

That was a tough night because all I could think of was this is bad, this is really bad. It must be so bad that she didn’t call me because she didn’t know how to break the news to me. I was in tears with fear of the unknown! First thing Friday morning I called the office again. I apologized profusely for being THAT patient and reiterated that I could not go through the weekend without knowing what the scan said. She said she would leave another message for the doctor to call as soon as possible. I will tell you all that I was ready to go sit in that office until she told me those results! I waited and waited until finally at almost 11am the phone rang… I looked at it for a second and just said help me Jesus…

She said… Sarah, I wanted to call you yesterday, but I wanted to have the other doctors look at your scan as I wanted to make sure I read it right. Your tumor was the size of a baseball 7 months ago when we first met. Other then a spot the size of a pencil eraser the rest of your tumor has simply dissolved…. I sat down on the floor of our bedroom and could not believe what I was hearing. She went on to say that this just doesn’t happen in someone with your stage, your body has reacted so well to treatment that we are all amazed! She even told me that she is not even sure that the spot is even cancer. Since we did the scan earlier then scheduled that spot could just be left over radiation. She said she couldn’t say that I was cancer free yet because of that one spot, but y’all my baseball size tumor has mostly just dissolved!! I know without a doubt that God healed me! Doctors can try to tell me it was the treatments and medicines, but I know that God is the great physician! She still had to tell me statistics because of my stage that I have 65% chance of it coming back within the first 2 to 5 years. She said for now until you have your next scan in 3 months that there was nothing else they could do for me, to go and live life!! We talked for a little bit more and I hung up the phone and sat on the floor looking out the window in silence.

I started crying and thanked God for His second chance, I told Him that I was sorry for doubting Him on those bad days. I yelled for Darin who was downstairs and he came running up and we cried together after I told him the news. We started going down our list of family and friends to call and so many of you rejoiced with us within minutes of that phone call. For the first time in over a year of being sick, I have peace. I have told everyone that would listen this weekend about how my God is awesome! He is a God of second chances and He has HUGE plans for me!

Do you need a second chance? Are you afraid that He wouldn’t love you or forgive you because of the things you have done? Oh my friends He loves you so much and will not only give you a second chance, but a third and a fourth and so many more! He has big plans for your  life as well! He has held me through my journey and He will hold you through yours. Never give up on God, never doubt God. His plans are ones that are so hard to see in the midst of any trial, but His plans are the ones that will set us free. When God shows up, you will want to share with everyone, you will be smiling till your cheeks hurt and you will know without a doubt that God wants you to go and live life for Him!!

Jeremiah 17:14  Heal me oh Lord and I shall be healed, save me and I shall be saved, for You are my praise

 

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18 responses to “Go and LIVE Life!!

  1. Kelli Williams says:

    Amazing!!! Praise God!!!

  2. MelissaMyers says:

    Praise God!!!
    Praise God!!!
    Praise God!!!

  3. Joelle says:

    I have been reading all of these and you have made me cry so many times. I am so happy for you and your family,I hope the news keeps getting better and better every time you go to the doctor.

  4. Sherry says:

    Oh, So wonderful! Live, Love , Laugh. Seize each day with no regrets.

  5. Judy Englert says:

    Rejoicing with you at your wonderful news, God is indeed good!! Praise the Lord.

  6. Yay! So glad to hear the good news. I’ve been thinking about you and if you had your results yet!

    This is the bestest way to begin a Monday. I’ll keep writing, though, until I’m told to stop — Julia

  7. Sharon Albright says:

    The song that I think of is,”Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from Heaven above, With wisdom, power and love, Our God is an AWESOME GOD!” Have a great week! I’m spreading your good news!! Keep writing!!

  8. dmazj says:

    OH PRAISE GOD!!! Sarah, I did what you said and started at the beginning and read through to now. It was like a book I could not put down! I laughed, I cried, I felt pain, I felt fear, I had to have my husband talk me through the worry. And all that in just the last 4 hours! And then I read the last post. OH PRAISE GOD!!!! I always say this in my letters, this time with feeling. HAVE A BLESSED DAY!!!!! Angel Melody

    • Thank you Melody!!! Your cards and letters have meant so much! So glad you got to read!

      • dmazj says:

        I shared your blog on my FB page. Just so inspiring. I was thinking about you and talking about you all day. Know that you won’t be able to get rid of me too easily! First you have to get the final all clear. And then you still have to put up with me emailing or writing occasionally. The connection I feel is too strong to stop. On FB I am Melody Brown Kieffer if you are interested.
        You know that current song “Happy”? It has been going through my head all day – and making me think of you. 🙂

      • I love it!!! I hope I dont stop hearing from you! 😉

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