that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Protect Me

on April 30, 2014

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My Aunt Billie, had this Toyota, I want to say Corolla, regardless it was a white 2 door with reddish orange leather seats. Back in the day we didn’t have to wear seat belts so we would stuff as many kids in the back seat as possible. I remember many trips to Greenbrier state park to swim on a hot summer day. Our skin would stick to each other as there was no AC in the car. She lived on a awesome farm about 20 minutes from our place and my sister Becky and I would spent many, many nights over at that farm with our cousin Stefanie. I have so many great memories of that beautiful farm! After staying for a night or two, our Aunt Billie piled us back in her little car and was taking us home.

We were traveling down Route 11 when we came upon loads of fire trucks and ambulances. Aunt Billie yelled back at us to get down and close your eyes now!! It was a really bad accident where a teenager had been decapitated and another had an arm laying in the road. Just like most kids are, I was curious and I snuck up to the window and peeked as we were slowly driving by. At the time I wished I hadn’t, my stomach started to turn at the scene that was laid out in front of me. However later on in life, it had a huge contribution to me wanting to be an EMT to help others. Aunt Billie saw me sneak a peek and yelled at me again to get down! I slowly sat back on the floor of the car and I remember being so scared for those that were involved.

She was trying hard to protect us from the bad scene. Even as she was driving she had one hand on the wheel and one hand trying to push our little heads down. She just wanted to protect us…

Today I had a few minutes and jumped online and pulled up my medical records and was looking at some new test results. I have tried so hard not to read the bad about my cancer. I know there is bad, but I don’t want to fill my mind with it. I try to focus on getting better and not what could happen. For some reason I started looking up the bad. It was so scary and almost put me in a full panic attack! As I was reading the phone rang and it was my sister, I chatted with her for a bit and then when I hung up. When I went to read again the phone rang again and it was a friend and we talked for awhile then hung up. One more time I went to read and I remembered a errand that had to be done today. I closed down the computer and left.

It may sound strange to some of you, but I think just like my Aunt Billie was trying to protect us from the bad, I fully believe that God made that phone ring twice and reminded me of something that had to be done, to try and protect me from the bad that I was reading. If I am telling everyone that I fully believe and have faith that God can heal me then I focus on reading about the bad then what kind of witness am I being? Where is my faith? Where is my trust in God? Through all of this my biggest want is to be a witness to family, friends, Dr.’s, nurses and anyone I come in contact with. I want God to use me and work through me to share with others what an amazing God He is! If I allow bad things and bad thoughts to creep into my head, I am no better then the sinner on the street.

I know God can and will heal me and I want to be a light for Him and a hope for others that are suffering. Casting Crowns is hands down my favorite Christian band. They have a new album called Thrive that I HIGHLY recommend. I am including one of the songs on here that is a song that I have come to love and want to live my life by. The words hit hard and are a challenge. I want all who come in contact with me to know without a doubt that God is in me and if I have come across any other way, I apologize for that. I know I can’t shield you and protect you from the bad around us everyday, but I hope I can help lead you to the one who can.

What are you allowing to creep into your mind tonight? Thoughts of hate, thoughts of cheating, thoughts of hurting someone? Did you know if you allow that to take over your thoughts, then you have no room for any good? Give it to God tonight and allow Him to help clear your mind and your heart.

“Love You With The Truth”

For the longest time, I believed the lie
That I’m not a strong enough believer
To be the friend that can take your hand
And lead you straight to Jesus
I’m waiting on the preachers, singers, and the teachers
To string the perfect words together
But every single time I have to say goodbye
I wonder will this be the last time

I cant call myself your friend and walk away

When we love, we earn the right to speak the truth
When we speak truth, we show the world we truly love
I’m not pointing my finger, I’m holding out my hand
I lay it all on the line now to see God save my friend
Let my life and my words be the proof
I’m gonna love you with the truth
Gonna love you with the truth

Yes, God is love, but God is just
And we are separated in our darkness
So God let Him who knew no sin
To become sin to make us right with Him
Its not about religion or earning Gods forgiveness
Or magic prayers or new behavior
Its all about your heart, Hell meet you where you are
Turn from your sin and trust in Christ as Lord

Jesus is the truth, the life, the way

How I’ve prayed for this moment, that you would finally see
That God is more than religion, a stained-glass fantasy
And how Ive prayed for the courage, for my silent faith to speak
Or that God would just send you a better friend than me

 

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One response to “Protect Me

  1. Sharon Albright says:

    Sarah,I also have found it to be true that when we allow our mind to dwell on negative thoughts we lose our peace. Keep trusting and listening to our Lord. You’re doing the right thing! Love you! Prayer for you and your family.

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