that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

church

Right now I seriously need to feel close to God… I guess the proper place for me to write then would be sitting in a pew at my church listening to my son Caleb practice on the drums with the praise band for Sunday morning services. I close my eyes for a moment and try to relax, but tonight it’s just not working.

When I started this blog I told you that I would be open and truthful and sometimes even raw with what I share. Tonight it’s going to be raw. There may not be any life lesson or an “aha moment,” It’s just going to be me sharing with you. It’s going to be long and we may need to take a intermission potty break, but the only thing I ask is when you are done, that you would pray like you have never prayed before because I seriously am going to need it. Pass this onto your friends and family and tell them to share it and pray some more!

Ever since last month I have felt “off.” Ever felt like that? Like something just isn’t right. I tried to put it off because seriously y’all I obviously am going to feel off because there is not a doggone thing right with me and hasn’t been for a while! Last Wednesday after a immense amount of stress from a bully situation with my son at school I felt terrible! Caleb has been getting bullied by this little punk and he has punched Caleb on more then one occasion and then the cops and other parents got involved and I usually being the level headed person allowed myself to get REALLLLLY angry and ended up going off on the parents and not really showing my Christian side. :/

This went on for at least 2 hours and by the time I got back in the truck I was doubled over in pain. Darin was out of town and I honestly did not know what to do. I was not supposed to be bleeding anymore and when I got home I realized I was… badly! It scared me so much! It only lasted for 2 hours then went away as quickly as it came on. However the cramping that followed it up kept me up all night doubled over wondering what was wrong with me.

I figured it had to do with the stress of what had happened at the school and prayed that God would just relieve the cramps long enough till Darin got back in town and I could get to the Dr. The next morning I called the Dr. and left a couple of messages. Finally she called me back and told me I need to make an appointment with my main oncologist. She is my radiation oncologist and I like dealing with her a lot more than my regular oncologist because she is a woman. ūüėČ The cramping kept on and this morning I went to see my oncologist.

He did an exam which put me in tears… He told me to get dressed and he would be in afterwards to talk. He asked me if I was by myself and I told him Darin was on the way and he said he would wait until Darin got there… Obviously bad news was to follow.

When he sat down he was quite serious and told me after studying my pet scan from April he wants to do a radical hysterectomy as soon as possible. I have been wanting this so bad and with a smile I said let’s do it! He looked at me and said you might want to wait until you hear what I have to say… Oh I didn’t realize there was more. He thinks that the tumor is starting to grow a little hence the pain I have been in. We knew that would happen, but we didn’t know it would happen this quickly! He said the surgery is a very dangerous surgery because I have so much working against me.

The scar tissue from my appendix rupturing when I was a teenager, the 2 C-sections and the radiation has left tons of scar tissue and it has made things dangerous for him. My anemia is working against me, my weight is working against me, on and on he went down the list of everything that is working against me. It was harsh and had me in tears within a few minutes. He told me that if I didn’t have the surgery that death is inevitable and would come quickly as this tumor has made it’s choice of how quickly it wants to grow.

If I do have the surgery which is normally a 2 hour surgery for most will be at least a 4+ hour surgery for me.¬†¬†He told me that there is a huge chance that I may make it through the surgery with a long life, but I may be left with a colostomy bag… At that moment I rebuked him in the name of Jesus!!!! NO MORE TUBES PLEASE!!!!! He will have to rebuild my ureter that was crushed from the tumor and then I will finally be able to get my nephrostomy bag out!!! Can I get an AMEN!?!

On the other side of thing… I am scared!!! I came home and cried… I didn’t know what to say, I was happy, I was angry and frankly terrified. I went and had my hair done and if y’all don’t have a hair dresser that will pray blessings over you then I don’t know what to tell you!! My sweet friend has been doing my hair for almost 13 years, but we have been friends for almost 15 years! She let me bear my soul to her and then one of her friends who is a psychiatrist came over and they laid hands¬†on me right there in that chair with my head full of foils and prayed the sweetest prayer over me. That was all God!!

I came home and fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up I felt that fear again. I went upstairs to change to bring Caleb to practice and Montana to tutoring. My Mama loved cardinals and every time I see one I always think of Mom watching over me. I leaned on the window sill and looked out towards the garden and just at that moment a cardinal landed on the fence around the garden. Instantly that song, God will take care of you came in my head and I knew that Mom was giving me a little push to get over the fear.

I am waiting for the scheduler to contact me tomorrow, but this surgery could be as quick as Monday… like this coming Monday!¬†If not then it will be within the next 2 weeks. Honestly I am hoping for Monday so we can get this done and I don’t have time to dwell on this! It’s a 2 to 4 week recovery if all goes well with a laparoscopic surgery. If¬†anything goes wrong then¬†he will have to cut me from one end to the next and then it turns into a 2 to 4 month recovery! Lord have mercy on my summer and let me enjoy it!!!!

I do have to share the name of this surgery though… It is the only thing that has kept me laughing. My sweet hubby is from a German descent and he says¬†oofta a lot. When I saw the¬†name of the surgery I had to laugh, it’s called, Robotically Assisted Radical Hysterectomy, bilateral Salpingo Oophorectomy, Cystoscopy with placement of bilateral ureteral stents. Say that one a few times!!! Somehow the word Oophorectomy struck me a funny… It the little things folks, just the little things. I’m grasping here ūüėČ

I know this has been long, but I needed to let you know how serious this surgery is, but NOTHING is to big for my God! Nothing is out of reach for Him and He has not brought me this far to have something go wrong! Yes I have a ton of stuff working against me, but I serve a big God and I know that our prayers do not go unheard! He can guide that surgeons hand and this will be a piece of cake when God guides. I know just like the song, He will take care of me and I have nothing to fear.

Thank you for walking this journey with me and for your prayers! They have been felt and loved! Please share this with your friends and family, your churches and anyone who believes in prayer. I have to make it through this surgery! I have to watch my kiddos grow up and graduate, I have to see them walk down the aisle and I have to feel the skin of my grandkids as they wrap there sweet little arms around me. God has got this!!!!

Joshua 1:9¬†This is my command‚ÄĒbe strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

12 Comments »

Clear Waters

pool-cleaner-1

I wrote earlier this year about how yucky and green our pool was. We decided to drain it and start from scratch. You just can’t pick up a pool and dump it over to get all the yuckies out. Last month after we drained it I got in there with a bottle of cleaner and a scrub brush and scrubbed all the green stuff out, but there was still just a little bit that no matter how much we did it just wouldn’t drain all the way.

This weekend when we got home we started filling the pool back up and treating it. After it got about a foot of water in it, I started to vacuum it to try and get the rest of the nasty stuff out of it. When I was done, the water was still a little cloudy so I dumped a bag of shock in it and let it sit. A few hours later I looked and more stuff had settled on the bottom. I got back in and vacuumed again but still the water was cloudy. I made a whirlpool so all the stuff would settle in the middle and added another bag of shock and went to bed.

Today I went out and checked and although better the water was still a bit cloudy. It’s also deep enough now to run the filter so I climbed in and made sure that it wasn’t to deep that it would touch my tube. I vacuumed one last time and with the help of the filter, shock and chlorine it now looks like a pool is supposed to look.

In a round about way I feel like that pool… I have prayed and prayed for healing. Others have prayed for healing for me, but yet things really haven’t changed. Even though my PET scan said the tumor has shrunk, unfortunately I have been feeling worse and worse. From a set back of sepsis to other infections and issues with my tube. I don’t understand why, but just like that cloudy pool water my body just refuses to get better.

I’m not sure what to do at this point. As much as I want this tube gone I will be at the hospital tomorrow morning to get it changed out for a new one. I know when my kids keep asking me question after question it starts to bug me a little and I think does God feel that same way when we keep coming to him over and over with the same issues? I’m tired of asking as much as I’m sure He is tired of hearing!

I know that cancer is a major illness and it takes sometimes years to overcome, but I just want to be done with it all. I miss feeling good, I miss swimming, I miss people looking at me without pity in their eyes. I miss not having a mountain of medical bills staring at me and most of all I just miss having energy.

I’m hoping to get some answers at my Dr. appointment on Thursday morning as to why I’m feeling this bad. I’m a little scared as to what my future holds, but just like the cloudy pool water, I’m praying everything clears up and I will start to feel better and move on from this cloud that has been hanging over me.

I hope and pray that whatever you are facing today will work it’s way through to what is best for you. God does have all the answers and although it can be so frustrating as to why we have to suffer and go through things, He is there¬†to help us through the bad times. I know that even though I come to Him often, I couldn’t have¬†gone through¬†any of this without Him.

James 1:2-4  Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

 

Leave a comment »

Get aways, Dr. Appointments and Randomness

021

We¬†just came back home from a much needed mini get away. We were to stay one more night at the cottage, but when you put one 6 ft tall woman and a 6 ft 8 in. man in a full size bed it just looks funny. We have to roll in unison so we don’t knock each other out of bed! We also wanted to get back home to work on things around the house tomorrow. The kitchen is done being painted, but the dining room is still a work in progress and things are everywhere! So here we are back in our home and we have thoroughly enjoyed a beautiful evening around the fire pit watching the kiddos play football. I even got out there and showed them how to throw. ūüėČ

It’s going to be a busy week starting Tuesday. Kids will be back to school to finish up the SOL testing, Wednesday I am off to the hospital to get my tube changed out… again, Thursday I have a Dr. appointment to see why I am regressing in the getting better aspect of things. I am starting to feel as bad as I did when I first found out I had cancer. I’m not sure why or what is causing it, but hoping the Dr. can enlighten me on the situation as I really need to get out of this pain and start enjoying summer! I have always been a summer lover, but last summer I was so sick and did not realize I had cancer so I did not enjoy it at all. I really need to be okay to enjoy this summer! Pray that it is nothing major and something the Dr. can help me out with.

I had a lot of time to reflect this weekend as there is no internet, TV or phone service at the cottage. It truly is time for family and relaxation. I am so glad that we are able to raise kiddos who adore being outside. It’s unfortunately a rare thing as so many kids would rather sit in front of a TV with video games or be on the phone non stop. It’s good to know that the kids are always more excited than us to go to the cottage to get away from everything. They jump in the kayaks and chase each other down to the bay and back. We take naps in the middle of the day and don’t feel like we are missing anything. There is no stress and we play games and laugh and reconnect as a family.

When we came back today I had¬†that old song playing in my head, “back to life, back to reality…” It’s always sad to leave such peace and come back to the city. I can’t wait to see if the day ever comes where we can move away from the city and live out in the country on a farm!

Other than all of that I am sitting at 9,600 views. We are almost to 10,000 views! I am hoping to do something special when that happens! I am beyond humbled at how many people have read my story. Little old me who didn’t think that anyone would ever read what I had to say, but you all did and you shared with your friends and your family and now I am sitting at almost 10,000 views!! I found a way to look at how many countries my blog has been read in and here is what is was…

countries

Humbled doesn’t even begin to tell you how I feel. I have prayed over each person that has read my blog. I pray that you will be blessed and somehow encouraged through my words. If cancer does eventually take me I pray I can leave a legacy exactly like my Mama did and hopefully I have been of some help to many of you. I also pray that maybe one day God will decide to heal me and then I will need to write about other things than cancer! Wouldn’t that be wonderful!

Regardless of what happens I am so thankful for all of you that take time out to read my story every time I post. I hope you continue to do so and will continue to share it with your friends and family. May you all be blessed!

Tomorrow remember to take time to pray for the ones who have lost a love one while fighting for this great country of ours. I’m not sure when it turned into a holiday of sales at the mall, BBQ’s and drinking times, but I know we have personally lost military¬†friends during the war and it’s hard to see the families left behind. It’s always fun to get together with friends and family, but make sure you still remember why we have memorial day and say a prayer for those that have lost.

This was just a random brain spill, but wanted to update you all on everything. I will share more after the Dr. appointments this week! Please again pray that it is nothing serious and I can just get over the pain and start to feel better again!

So what do you do to relax? Where do you like to go to find your peace? Would love to hear your stories! Comment section is open!

 

Leave a comment »

Bring the Rain

lightning2

I curled up under the covers and was crying. I shook with fear as the lightning and thunder flashed and rumbled all around me. I just wanted it to stop, but it got louder and louder and then everything went dark. I screamed and then I felt Mom’s arms around me. She pulled me on her lap as I shed hot tears that ran down her neck. She always had this song that she would sing to me when it stormed…

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† While the storm howls above me, and there’s no hiding place.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† ‘Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Keep me safe till the storm passes by.¬†¬†

Many times Satan whispered, “There is no need to try,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† For there’s no end of sorrow, there’s no hope by and by”¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I’ll rise Where the storms never darken the skies.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†

 Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,                                                                                                                                                           Till the clouds roll forever from the sky; Hold me fast,                                                                                                                                                                        let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand, Keep me safe till the storm passes by. 

When the long night has ended and the storms come no more,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Let me stand in Thy presence on the bright peaceful shore; In that land where the tempest,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† never comes, Lord, may I Dwell with Thee when the storm passes by”

Her voice sounded like the angels themselves and would lull me back into the most peaceful sleep. I still to this day do not care for thunderstorms. All 3 of our kids have enjoyed a good thunderstorm, but the occasional really loud crack of thunder will have them scurrying around screaming like crazy!

When I think of storms now, I am not thinking just of rain, thunder and lighting. Storms of life can be so much worse and we try and run away from the overwhelming feeling of fear. We don’t want to face something that could potentially hurt us. Once the storm has ended we feel like we can breathe a little better and we know that we will be ok.¬†Since September I have been dealing with a storm that just doesn’t quit! Some days I get that overwhelming feeling that I’m not going to be okay! Then I will start to feel better and it seems as though the storm has passed. Give or take a few days and the storm is facing me again! These past couple of days it hasn’t just been physical, the emotional aspect of things are getting to me really bad.

If something could go wrong this week, it did. From family stuff to school stuff, medical stuff and so much more. I felt like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders. I looked towards the sky many times looking for the rain, but the sun was shining and it was warm and beautiful. I asked God why doesn’t the outside match the inside. If I have to walk through a storm can I at least feel the refreshment of a good rain?

Tonight the skies opened up and for a brief 10 minutes the thunder roared and the lightning flashed. The cool breeze came through my hair and¬†I prayed,¬†Jesus, bring the rain! Running to get in the truck I felt the cool rain on my face and I knew that God was giving me that refreshment that I needed so desperately. When I got home I texted my brother and sisters who are all facing storms in there lives right now. I needed to let them know that even though storms are raging that I am praying and eventually the storms will stop and the sun will come out again. I wish I could fix things not only for myself, but for so many others that are fighting those raging storms and the fear has taken over. I know that¬†Jesus can calm any storm just as He did in the bible when He stood in that boat and said, “Peace, be still”. Then the storm went quiet and those with Him knew that He was the son of God.

I do have my days when I curl up under those covers and cry because it’s dark and the fear doesn’t allow me to face the storms, but God is with me and even though I can’t see Him, I can feel His presence all around me. He is helping me and although that storm is raging I don’t give up on Him because He is the one that created the rain, lightning and thunder. He is the one that can control every storm we face. Tonight my prayer is Jesus, bring the rain! Regardless of what I have to go through I pray to always keep my eyes on God and praise Him through every storm!

What about you? What storms are you facing right now? You feel sick knowing that the boat you are on is rocking violently and you don’t know how to stop the rain? Your scared and you feel alone, but you are not alone. God is with you and He knows what you need and the perfect time that you need it in. Don’t ever let yourself drowned in your storm. Fight to keep your head above water and listen carefully for when those words are spoke, Peace be still.

Psalms 107:29 He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed

 

                                                                                                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment »

She is Wise Beyond Her Years

543423_10200719171277740_59674737_n

It’s a question that I never thought I would have to explain to my daughter, but she came in my room tonight so we could say our nightly prayers with hugs and kisses…

Backing up, earlier this evening after dinner the kids were playing kickball in the yard and Darin and I were sitting at the patio table and I had a small break down over everything. I wasn’t full on crying, just a few tears rolling down my face. I had my back to the kids so they didn’t see me. Montana had come up to the table and saw a tear and ask if I was ok. I replied that I was fine and she went on her merry way.

When she came in tonight I prayed for her to have a good night of rest. She usually leaves then, but she stopped and wrapped her arms around me and prayed… Dear Jesus, please help my Mommy. I love her so much and she needs help. Please take the pain away and make her happy again, in your precious name, Amen.

I almost started crying again! She is the sweetest thing! She then sat down on the best with tears in her eyes and said, I am a little scared. I ask her why and she ask me this, Since you have cancer and your sister had cancer and Mom-Mom had it, does that mean I will have it? Ughhhh I did not want to have this conversation! I had to explain to her that I couldn’t promise that she would never have it. I had to tell her all about the way we have to get exams and check ups and so much more. She was so upset and it hurt me to see her this way. I was angry because I shouldn’t have to be having these conversations with my 13 year old!!! She should be worried about school, friends, having fun and enjoying being a kid!! However she is scared because she might get cancer….

What do I say as a parent? What can I do to fix her little heart that is so wise beyond her years? It’s just hurts and is so frustrating that I can’t fix it, I can’t fix myself, I can’t put a Band-Aid on it and make it feel better. All I can do is hold her and pray over her for God to put a hedge of protection around her sweet life and keep her from harm of mean people, boys, bullies and … cancer.

I don’t know what is harder for me, fighting cancer or raising kids. The hurt can be so overwhelming from either side. The feeling of being lost… a lot has become the norm for me lately in both aspects. I don’t know how to fix everything and most of the time I just have to look up to the sky and say, A little help here would be really good right now…

I’m so glad that God blessed us with 3 wonderful kids that are understanding and loving. Even though these questions arise periodically, they have been the best troopers through everything. I pray everyday that God will bless these sweet kiddos. They have had to go through more in the past 8 months than any kid should ever have to.

Saying I am proud of them would be the understatement of the year. I can’t wait till I am done with all of this to see them truly enjoy life again. Hold your kids tight, make sure they know without a doubt that you love them and you are proud of them. Try to see life through their eyes and you will see how sensitive they are and how much they look up to you. No child should have to go through hard times, but if they do make sure you encourage them non stop along the way so they know they are not walking this road alone.

Mark 10:14
When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them ” Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

1 Comment »

My Maw

th031ZMOHQ

If you could picture the perfect round belly, rosy cheeks, beautiful eyes full of laughter and mischief, warm heart and overflowing love, that was my granny. Her given name was Rayetta Louis and we gave her the name of Maw. I asked my Mom one time how she got the name Maw and she told me that one of us kids couldn’t say Grandma and could only say Maw. It ended up sticking and everyone in the family and extended family caught on and Maw it was. She hated her real name so she loved being called Maw. When you walked into her home the first thing you would notice was the smell of something wonderful! She had this turquoise pot that never left that stove and she always had something yummy cooking. Other then the smell though was the antiques. Wall after wall, shelf after shelf, cabinet after cabinet was simply stuffed with antiques!

She called them her ‚Äútwidlies‚ÄĚ and she was very proud of them and would love to explain to us where she got each one. I used to LOVE spending the night and she would allow me to go out to the big living room with the most special antiques and she would sit down and let me sit on her lap. I would point to one thing and ask her to tell me the story behind it. This would go on till her eyes would get heavy and she would tuck me in the cot that she would always set up in front of the pot bellied stove. On rainy nights you would hear the rain on the tin roof and between that and the cozy fire, it would lull me to the most peaceful sleep.

She also had loads of out buildings and one of them was a summer kitchen. Basically a kitchen detached from the house to cook in during the summer so you didn‚Äôt heat up the main house. She had so many neat, amazing, beautiful things to look at in every building and when she would tell me to go out to the building to get her something I would stand there and stare at everything on the shelves in complete amazement and think, what could I get into. ūüėČ She would usually have to end up leaning her head out the door and yell, ‚ÄúLizzie, come on in and you better not be getting into stuff‚ÄĚ!

My middle name is Elizabeth so her nickname for me was Lizzie. She had a name for all of her grand babies. My sweet Maw passed away almost 11 years ago. I was pregnant with Caleb and was a high risk pregnancy and we were up there visiting and the next week I had to be rushed to the hospital to stop preterm labor. Maw died the following week… I was not allowed to travel, so I missed her funeral. It’s one of the saddest moments of my life. I wanted to save the life of our son, but I couldn’t pay my respects to the life that was lost.

Tonight I am not writing about cancer, I know this blog is about my journey through cancer, but frankly I am tired of talking about it. ūüėČ So tonight I am sharing this story with you because I am going to talk about something I LOVE! Decorating!! I think every man who reads this just turned off the computer when they saw that word. ūüėČ

If you still walked in Maw‚Äôs house right now, it looks like she is still there. Nothing has changed, nothing has moved and my Aunt keeps it just the way Maw had it. I can‚Äôt wait to go up to WV again because I am going to ask her if I can go to Maw‚Äôs house and look around. I want to relive memories and feel Maw in that place again. In honor of Maw, I am redecorating our kitchen to a awesome retro 50‚Ä≤s ‚Äď 60‚Ä≤s theme. My color scheme is turquoise walls, white cabinets and pops of red and yellow here and there. No I‚Äôm not putting new cabinets in as nice as that would be, but I am going to paint them. Darin and I went to a couple of antique places here in town yesterday and as I walked through I would say, Awww Maw had this or Maw had that. I felt like I was walking through her house.

Don’t get me wrong I would love to have a beautiful updated kitchen with loads of upgrades and a refrigerator that would please for the love of pete start making ice again… Different story for a different time. However we have a very basic kitchen with used appliances and a formica countertop. In a weird way though I love it and it reminds me of the simple kitchen that I grew up in and enjoyed when I went to Maw’s.  Many, many memories have happened in that plain old kitchen that will last a lifetime! For now, I will work with what we have and be ever so thankful that we have a roof over our head!

Today I started this retro transformation and I can’t wait to get it done!! Here is a few things that I have picked up at the antique shop and yard sales today and I am pretty excited to get these things together! First off I found this awesome fan at the antique shop…

fan

It still works!!! Which makes me really excited! It wasn’t much, but today when I went to yard sales I ended up finding a little bit bigger one for $1… I was SO excited that I now had 2 of these awesome fans! This spoon and fork set I bought at a yard sale for $2 is the exact same set that was hanging in Maw’s kitchen.

thQF1SYPYB

I also found this tabletop jukebox for $5 and I thought it would look really cute in the kitchen

thXUFI4L9J

Now to something I would LOVE to find is this

il_570xN_374786701_1jvo

Maw had this exact one hanging in her house and I think it would be awesome to find one to hang in ours! However I have searched antique shops, thrift stores, yard sales, estate sales and so much more and I cannot find this phone! It’s getting to be very frustrating! So if you are in any of the above places and you happen to see this phone could you please email me and let me know how much they want for it! I also bought a very 50’s fabric tonight at the fabric shop tonight for the curtains. Did I¬†tell you¬†how excited I am to do this? Darin used to be annoyed when I would do things like this, but he knows now it makes me happy and it keeps my mind off of what is really going. No I am not trying to avoid what I am going through, I just want to move on.

Hopefully we can get this done this week as there is no way we can afford to eat out every meal while everything is all over the counters and stove top! Thank you for listening to me run my mouth non stop about something that really has no relevance to anything, but like I said it makes me happy! I miss Maw so bad, but now I have a feeling I will feel very close to her when I spend time in the kitchen.

What are you getting ready to start or finish in your busy days? Spring always makes me feel energized to do new things and makes things look nice. Darin has started his veggie garden and I can’t wait to reap the benefits of that.¬† I hope whatever you are starting or finishing that you will feel accomplished!

Leave a comment »

What, Me? Worry??

worry

My Mama was a worrier! She worried about everything and then some! I guess with 5 kids she had every right to be worried. It wasn’t until she got older and she found out that she had breast cancer that¬†I didn’t see the worry in her face anymore. She was looking death in the eye and she had peace. I remember going up one weekend to visit shortly before she passed and my sister had her set up in her home on a hospital bed. The kids were running around and laughing and playing and I looked over at Mom and she had the most peaceful smile on her face. She loved all of her grandbabies so much and she was so happy to see them. I can tell you on days when I don’t feel good I do not want to hear my kids or any kids running around screaming and yelling!

I ask Mom how she could have such peace in that moment when I knew she was in so much pain. She looked at me and I will never forget what she said, Sarie Sue, (my given nickname from her) There is no point in worrying today, because there is so much more to come and our worry will only make things worse…

Seriously y’all… The wisdom that fell out of that woman’s mouth… She should have written a book!! I know my last blog was my “whoa is me moment” and I won’t apologize for it because I warned you all at the beginning that this was going to be real and raw. I was a wreck all week long. The pain has been at times unbearable and I can honestly say there might have been a small point in the week where I was looking for a local bridge! I was worrying… way to much. It was enough to not let God get a word in edge wise. I was crying the gimmie, gimmie, my name’s Jimmy game to God. God I need you to do this, God I need you to take away this pain or that pain. God please take care of this now! Oh my hands were out and I was wanting God to do everything when I wanted it done!

It doesn’t work that way does it. I was worrying so much over things that I had NO control over! Everything that I have been going through, everything that I am going through and everything I will go through, He has His hand on it and I need to let go of that control issue and trust God to take care of it. When I am acting worried and try to be in control I am basically telling God that He doesn’t have my whole heart. Here God, you can’t take the cancer and the sickness and fix it, but the rest of the stuff I have to do on my own. I got it from here… Either I give Him all or I give Him nothing. It really is that simple. Yesterday I knew I couldn’t do anymore by myself so I prayed to God to just take it all. I can’t do it on my own anymore God, take control of everything.

I felt almost like a weight had been lifted off my chest and I felt that peace that my sweet Mama talked about. Why am I worried about things that I have no control over, why am I worried about tomorrow, when I am struggling to get through today. God says in Matthew 11:28¬† ‚ÄúCome to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.‚ÄĚ He wouldn’t ask this of us if He wasn’t ready to deliver. Go to Him today and let Him have all of your heart.

Matthew 6:34 ‚ÄúTherefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.‚ÄĚ

Writing this an old Sunday School song kept playing over and over in my head,

“Why worry, when you can pray, Trust Jesus, He’ll be your stay

Don’t be a doubting Thomas, trust fully in His promise

Why worry, worry, worry, worry, when you can pray!” ūüėČ

Leave a comment »

Dear God…

thJ7KJ5AMG

Hey God, It’s me again… You know the one who talks to you at least 30-50 times a day? Yeah that one… Sorry to bug you again, but I need help.

It’s been a rough day God and I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m trying to be brave and not get worked up, but it hurts God and I don’t know how much more one can take. I thank you so much for the good days. The ones where I feel energized and healthy, but lately God I’m starting to feel worn down again. Infection is running ramped through my body and no amount of hospital stays or medications are working. I remember when I was little and my Daddy would tell me to go to Dr. Jesus, so here I am once again, begging, pleading, asking… I need help.

I have watched over the years how you have healed family and you have healed friends. You have healed marriages and provided when one thought that they were at the end, I have watched you heal sickness and depression, You have saved lost souls and so many other miracles… I’m just me, Sarah who try’s to be happy at all times, I try to make others laugh when they are down, maybe I don’t take life to seriously sometimes, but it’s to short to be serious. I try to help those in need and be there for friends when they need me. I’m just a simple girl who is hurting so very badly right now.

I feel bad asking because there is so much hurt in the world today. Girls are missing in Nigeria and I can’t imagine the hurt the families are feeling not knowing where those sweet girls are and what awful things are happening to them. Wildfires are blazing through Oklahoma and Texas that are destroying homes and people are dying. People are killing others over the littlest of things, Women are killing unborn children… My family and friends all have so many needs and we are looking to you God because you are the only one that can save and heal and mend broken hearts and broken relationships. You are the only one God that I can come to when it hurts so bad that I can only cry because words just don’t come to me.

I have tried to fight the tears today, but you see them falling down my face right now… I need your healing so bad that I am coming to you! No Dr. can fix me and no amount of medicines can fix me. You are the only one that can heal me because you are the ultimate physician. I don’t want to go to the hospital again God, I know you made brilliant Dr.s and awesome nurses to help people like me, but I can’t keep doing it. It’s taking a toll on me and my sweet husband is so stressed trying to hold down the fort and take care of three kids every time I am in the hospital. I don’t where else to turn….

I have faith God that tonight you will help me. I don’t think my time here on earth is even¬† close to coming to an end. I know you have big plans for me and I will do all I can to see that I follow those plans! I want to continue to be here for our three amazing kids that you blessed us with! They need a Mommy God and no kiddo should ever have to grow up not having a Mama to take care of them and have her to wrap her arms around them and let them know how much they are loved. God please don’t let our kids have to go through that. It was so hard losing my sweet Mama as an adult, I couldn’t imagine kids going through that kind of pain. God, I want to be here with my amazing husband that you brought to me at a time in my life when I was going down the wrong path so quickly. He brought me back to you God and you have healed our marriage and brought us together for you.

I want to be here for my Daddy, God he has already lost one daughter and a beautiful wife. I know he couldn’t bear losing another… He is such a strong man and I know that he would still love you, but he would be so sad. I want to be here with my sisters and brother and nieces and nephews. I know back in the teen years I thought of taking my life and tried once because back then I worried about stupid stuff, but life is so precious to me now. ¬†I don’t know why I was the one who had to get cancer, but there is as reason for everything… I am trusting you God that you will bring me through this and hopefully one day soon I will look back on this time in my life and know that you were holding me and helping me through it all.

But tonight… God, tonight I need you so much. I need healing and I need the pain to subside so I can sleep. I know that you can do this and that is why I am asking. God, if I could put a little PS on this letter… I have some dear friends of mine that are hurting so badly tonight. From their own physical issues, to ailing parents, to their sweet kiddos hurting. I won’t say there names, but God you know who they are and you know the hurts. Please God hear my prayers tonight… Heal us God, please heal us, in your precious name, I love you God with all my heart!

Love, Sarah

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8   There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace

2 Comments »

To My Sister’s

1453459_10201305547216772_1497786059_n

It was about 1 AM in the morning when we were all sleeping and suddenly there was loud banging on the front door. I was the only kid to still live at home and my bedroom was downstairs. It scared the snot out of me to the point where I ran upstairs and woke my parents that someone was trying to break in! Dad quickly got dressed and ran downstairs and Mom was right on his heals. Only to find that it was my brother Matt and sister n law Traci. We immediately thought they were in trouble because why else would they be banging on the door at one in the morning!

We all went in the living room where through tears my brother told us that they were pregnant! It was great news… maybe not one in the morning worthy, but great news!! A short time after that news my sister Becky and her husband Will found out they were expecting there first baby. It was so wonderful to be an Aunt! I spoiled Savannah and Marcus so much! I loved to babysit and buy them things and loads of cute outfits. I also got to watch in awe as my brother and sister became parents. To see them go from party people to settling down and back to church and raising these sweet babies. It was an honor to watch that. It wasn’t long before my other sister Laura and her husband Eddie found out they were expecting and again Matt and Traci and then again Becky and Will. Alex was born in January, Jake was born in March and Carrington was born in May… all in the same year! I was loving it and I was broke!! ūüėČ Oh the sweetness from those babies! I could barely stand it! Again I babysat and spoiled them so much.

That same year I got married to Darin and together we became the happiest Aunt and Uncle. As I watched my family raise a family I knew that one day I would want to follow in there footsteps. I learned so much from them and I was so blessed that even though they were involved in church and at the time I was more into the party scene (and Probably not the best influence to be around kids) they allowed me to be part of these kids lives. I still to this day love Savannah who is 17, Marcus who is 17, Alex who is 15, Jake who is 15 and Carrington who will be 15 tomorrow, like they are my own kiddos. They all live within 10 minutes of each other in WV. I am the only one who lives away so it’s hard for me not to see them as often as I would like, but you can bet when I am in WV we do our best to take them to the movies or parks or something that we can do to spend time with them.

When we finally found out we were pregnant with our first one it was so exciting to know that after watching my brother and sisters for so long, that we would be able to raise our own kiddos. Montana Rose was born first then Caleb and then Jax and then I was done!! ūüėČ God has truly blessed us with 3 amazing kids! I try my best every day to remember how my sweet Mama raised us and do my best to follow in her footsteps. She was so wonderful and raised us with such love and well deserved discipline. She prayed over us night and day and even into our teen years would wait up in her rocking chair till the wee hours of the morning. I remember pulling into the driveway many times and seeing her there in the kitchen window. I would go in and she would just say, Thank you Jesus for bringing her home safely.

I could tell you story after story of my sweet Mama, but my main focus tonight was to focus on my sisters. Laura, Becky and Traci, I love you 3 so much and am so proud to call you my sisters! Thank you for showing me how wonderful it is to be a parent and allowing me to “practice” on loving your sweet kiddos. I pray you are blessed beyond blessed tomorrow on this Mother’s Day. I hope you are spoiled and loved. Becky, what a great Mother’s day gift to have your girlie’s birthday on Mother’s day! Enjoy those kiddos and don’t forget to thank God for such beautiful, healthy, wonderful kids!

Happy Mother’s day to all you beautiful Mom’s out there! Be blessed and hold your kiddos tight no matter how old they are!

Proverbs 31:28  Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

1 Comment »

A Mother’s day without a Mother…

391610_3803253075930_797921797_n

Her hair, was a beautiful wavy dark brown and her eyes had many smiley wrinkles around them.

Her lips always perched with a smile.

Her hugs gentle, but strong.

Her words always caring whether you were in trouble or not.

Her prayers breathtaking and beautiful.

Her voice just like a birds, it grew more of the music, and less of the words

“Her” is my Mom.¬†Mother’s day is always the hardest. How do I celebrate me being a Mom if I don’t have a Mom to celebrate anymore. We¬†sit on the¬†right side of the church right beside a beautiful stained glass window. One Sunday morning as I was sitting there (supposed to be listening to the sermon) I was looking around and there on the bottom of the window a verse. It stood out like fluorescent bold letters to me and I could not take my eyes off of it. Her children rise up and call her blessed… Wow… I realized that I was going all wrong with this. I needed to celebrate my Mom’s life. She was truly blessed with so much.

Am I allowed to be sad? Absolutely Am I allowed to wish she was still here? Absolutely Am I allowed to get angry? It depends. At God? No At the thought that I can’t celebrate without her? Yes Not only was my Mom an inspiration in my life, but the lives of many others. My friends, my kids, my husband and so many more.¬†Mother’s day is about her and so many other Mom’s out there that may or may not be with us.¬†On¬†Sunday¬†I¬†will be¬†celebrating my Mom because without her I would not be here. I would not be the Mother that I am today. Abraham Lincoln said it best when he said, “All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother.”

I wrote this poem on the first Mothers day after Mom passed. I revise it every year because the feelings never change…

“Mother’s Day Without Mom”

It’s been¬†six years now Since you left us all alone,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Your with your family and friends Up in your Heavenly home,

Not a day goes by That I don’t think of you,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Missing your very presence next to me¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Trying so hard not to feel blue

Life has been so different                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Many things have changed,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Picking up the phone and not hearing your voice                                                                                                                                                                                                    Has felt so different and strange

Mother’s Day is coming¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† The¬†sixth one without you,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Though I can’t send you flowers¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† You will be in my heart, this is true

I miss you so much Mom It tears me up inside,                                                                                                                                                                                             Although your in a better place now Where someday we both will reside

So “Happy Mother’s Day” Mom Although I can’t be with you,¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Your missed by all of us I hope you can read this and know it’s very true

2 Comments »