that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Just Let Go

on May 7, 2014


My boys are fearless. Story after story of injuries I could tell. All from jumping, launching, falling, climbing and propelling.

Jax, my awesome little blonde man can leap with the best of them. His favorite right now is to climb a jungle gym. He will stand on the platform and jump and try to catch the bar mid air. I stand off to the side and I try not to worry because the ground is covered in rubber mulch. I look at his little determined face and he looks like he is trying to talk himself into the next jump. Can I make it, I’m sure he thinks he can. He makes it more often then not although his little legs tell a different story with all the scrapes and bruises. And if he doesn’t, I think, he’ll just bounce. He lurches and for a split second in the air he touches nothing. His hands catch the bar and his long legs are only inches from the ground.

Swinging, smiling and then realizing that he’ll have to let go to find solid footing again. MAMA! he screams. HELP! But he’s in no danger. He’s perfectly safe, just suspended a little above the earth. “Just let go!” I call to him from a few feet away. But he can’t see me He is white knuckling the bar and swinging fiercely to try and get to the next bar. He can’t see me because his little blonde head is wedged between his arms. Just. Let. Go. And he does. And he reaches the ground without hurting himself. He trusts that I love him and even though he couldn’t see me or where he was going, he let go.

God is asking me to let go of what I think is saving me. I can’t see Him, but I trust Him. I need to remember that He loves me enough to guide me to what is best for my life. It’s hard to let go of what I think is safe. I’m scared to give complete control away, but I don’t think I will get better unless I let go. As a Mother if I see my child in danger, I am going to sweep in and do what I can to save my child. God is the same way, if I was dangling high above the earth He would rush in to catch me and carry me to safety. BUT those smaller things, those “just let go” things, He wants me to practice trust. I can’t stay in the middle of fear of my future. The ground under me is solid and it’s right underneath my feet. I just have to let go and allow God to take over those places in my heart that make me afraid of what I am going through.

Jax’s flip flopped-feet run toward me. “Mama! I’m gonna do it again!” And he climbs back up to the top of the jungle gym and leaps again, this time more confident and less fearful.
What are you holding onto tonight? Fear, anger, lack of trust? God says, give it to Him and He will help you through, you just have to let go!

1 Peter 5:7  Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you





One response to “Just Let Go

  1. Sharon Albright says:

    How true your words are! Thank you for reminding me that God will take care of my future. Love you! Pray for you.

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