that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Dear God…

on May 13, 2014

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Hey God, It’s me again… You know the one who talks to you at least 30-50 times a day? Yeah that one… Sorry to bug you again, but I need help.

It’s been a rough day God and I’m not sure how to handle it. I’m trying to be brave and not get worked up, but it hurts God and I don’t know how much more one can take. I thank you so much for the good days. The ones where I feel energized and healthy, but lately God I’m starting to feel worn down again. Infection is running ramped through my body and no amount of hospital stays or medications are working. I remember when I was little and my Daddy would tell me to go to Dr. Jesus, so here I am once again, begging, pleading, asking… I need help.

I have watched over the years how you have healed family and you have healed friends. You have healed marriages and provided when one thought that they were at the end, I have watched you heal sickness and depression, You have saved lost souls and so many other miracles… I’m just me, Sarah who try’s to be happy at all times, I try to make others laugh when they are down, maybe I don’t take life to seriously sometimes, but it’s to short to be serious. I try to help those in need and be there for friends when they need me. I’m just a simple girl who is hurting so very badly right now.

I feel bad asking because there is so much hurt in the world today. Girls are missing in Nigeria and I can’t imagine the hurt the families are feeling not knowing where those sweet girls are and what awful things are happening to them. Wildfires are blazing through Oklahoma and Texas that are destroying homes and people are dying. People are killing others over the littlest of things, Women are killing unborn children… My family and friends all have so many needs and we are looking to you God because you are the only one that can save and heal and mend broken hearts and broken relationships. You are the only one God that I can come to when it hurts so bad that I can only cry because words just don’t come to me.

I have tried to fight the tears today, but you see them falling down my face right now… I need your healing so bad that I am coming to you! No Dr. can fix me and no amount of medicines can fix me. You are the only one that can heal me because you are the ultimate physician. I don’t want to go to the hospital again God, I know you made brilliant Dr.s and awesome nurses to help people like me, but I can’t keep doing it. It’s taking a toll on me and my sweet husband is so stressed trying to hold down the fort and take care of three kids every time I am in the hospital. I don’t where else to turn….

I have faith God that tonight you will help me. I don’t think my time here on earth is even  close to coming to an end. I know you have big plans for me and I will do all I can to see that I follow those plans! I want to continue to be here for our three amazing kids that you blessed us with! They need a Mommy God and no kiddo should ever have to grow up not having a Mama to take care of them and have her to wrap her arms around them and let them know how much they are loved. God please don’t let our kids have to go through that. It was so hard losing my sweet Mama as an adult, I couldn’t imagine kids going through that kind of pain. God, I want to be here with my amazing husband that you brought to me at a time in my life when I was going down the wrong path so quickly. He brought me back to you God and you have healed our marriage and brought us together for you.

I want to be here for my Daddy, God he has already lost one daughter and a beautiful wife. I know he couldn’t bear losing another… He is such a strong man and I know that he would still love you, but he would be so sad. I want to be here with my sisters and brother and nieces and nephews. I know back in the teen years I thought of taking my life and tried once because back then I worried about stupid stuff, but life is so precious to me now.  I don’t know why I was the one who had to get cancer, but there is as reason for everything… I am trusting you God that you will bring me through this and hopefully one day soon I will look back on this time in my life and know that you were holding me and helping me through it all.

But tonight… God, tonight I need you so much. I need healing and I need the pain to subside so I can sleep. I know that you can do this and that is why I am asking. God, if I could put a little PS on this letter… I have some dear friends of mine that are hurting so badly tonight. From their own physical issues, to ailing parents, to their sweet kiddos hurting. I won’t say there names, but God you know who they are and you know the hurts. Please God hear my prayers tonight… Heal us God, please heal us, in your precious name, I love you God with all my heart!

Love, Sarah

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8   There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,

 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace

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2 responses to “Dear God…

  1. dpu904 says:

    Sometimes there aren’t enough rocks

  2. Sharon Albright says:

    Sarah, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray in Jesus name, for your healing from these infections that make you so ill. I ask our Lord that He will give you complete healing. You are not forgotten. You are loved!

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