that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

What, Me? Worry??

on May 16, 2014

worry

My Mama was a worrier! She worried about everything and then some! I guess with 5 kids she had every right to be worried. It wasn’t until she got older and she found out that she had breast cancer that I didn’t see the worry in her face anymore. She was looking death in the eye and she had peace. I remember going up one weekend to visit shortly before she passed and my sister had her set up in her home on a hospital bed. The kids were running around and laughing and playing and I looked over at Mom and she had the most peaceful smile on her face. She loved all of her grandbabies so much and she was so happy to see them. I can tell you on days when I don’t feel good I do not want to hear my kids or any kids running around screaming and yelling!

I ask Mom how she could have such peace in that moment when I knew she was in so much pain. She looked at me and I will never forget what she said, Sarie Sue, (my given nickname from her) There is no point in worrying today, because there is so much more to come and our worry will only make things worse…

Seriously y’all… The wisdom that fell out of that woman’s mouth… She should have written a book!! I know my last blog was my “whoa is me moment” and I won’t apologize for it because I warned you all at the beginning that this was going to be real and raw. I was a wreck all week long. The pain has been at times unbearable and I can honestly say there might have been a small point in the week where I was looking for a local bridge! I was worrying… way to much. It was enough to not let God get a word in edge wise. I was crying the gimmie, gimmie, my name’s Jimmy game to God. God I need you to do this, God I need you to take away this pain or that pain. God please take care of this now! Oh my hands were out and I was wanting God to do everything when I wanted it done!

It doesn’t work that way does it. I was worrying so much over things that I had NO control over! Everything that I have been going through, everything that I am going through and everything I will go through, He has His hand on it and I need to let go of that control issue and trust God to take care of it. When I am acting worried and try to be in control I am basically telling God that He doesn’t have my whole heart. Here God, you can’t take the cancer and the sickness and fix it, but the rest of the stuff I have to do on my own. I got it from here… Either I give Him all or I give Him nothing. It really is that simple. Yesterday I knew I couldn’t do anymore by myself so I prayed to God to just take it all. I can’t do it on my own anymore God, take control of everything.

I felt almost like a weight had been lifted off my chest and I felt that peace that my sweet Mama talked about. Why am I worried about things that I have no control over, why am I worried about tomorrow, when I am struggling to get through today. God says in Matthew 11:28  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” He wouldn’t ask this of us if He wasn’t ready to deliver. Go to Him today and let Him have all of your heart.

Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Writing this an old Sunday School song kept playing over and over in my head,

“Why worry, when you can pray, Trust Jesus, He’ll be your stay

Don’t be a doubting Thomas, trust fully in His promise

Why worry, worry, worry, worry, when you can pray!” 😉

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