that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

She is Wise Beyond Her Years

on May 21, 2014

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It’s a question that I never thought I would have to explain to my daughter, but she came in my room tonight so we could say our nightly prayers with hugs and kisses…

Backing up, earlier this evening after dinner the kids were playing kickball in the yard and Darin and I were sitting at the patio table and I had a small break down over everything. I wasn’t full on crying, just a few tears rolling down my face. I had my back to the kids so they didn’t see me. Montana had come up to the table and saw a tear and ask if I was ok. I replied that I was fine and she went on her merry way.

When she came in tonight I prayed for her to have a good night of rest. She usually leaves then, but she stopped and wrapped her arms around me and prayed… Dear Jesus, please help my Mommy. I love her so much and she needs help. Please take the pain away and make her happy again, in your precious name, Amen.

I almost started crying again! She is the sweetest thing! She then sat down on the best with tears in her eyes and said, I am a little scared. I ask her why and she ask me this, Since you have cancer and your sister had cancer and Mom-Mom had it, does that mean I will have it? Ughhhh I did not want to have this conversation! I had to explain to her that I couldn’t promise that she would never have it. I had to tell her all about the way we have to get exams and check ups and so much more. She was so upset and it hurt me to see her this way. I was angry because I shouldn’t have to be having these conversations with my 13 year old!!! She should be worried about school, friends, having fun and enjoying being a kid!! However she is scared because she might get cancer….

What do I say as a parent? What can I do to fix her little heart that is so wise beyond her years? It’s just hurts and is so frustrating that I can’t fix it, I can’t fix myself, I can’t put a Band-Aid on it and make it feel better. All I can do is hold her and pray over her for God to put a hedge of protection around her sweet life and keep her from harm of mean people, boys, bullies and … cancer.

I don’t know what is harder for me, fighting cancer or raising kids. The hurt can be so overwhelming from either side. The feeling of being lost… a lot has become the norm for me lately in both aspects. I don’t know how to fix everything and most of the time I just have to look up to the sky and say, A little help here would be really good right now…

I’m so glad that God blessed us with 3 wonderful kids that are understanding and loving. Even though these questions arise periodically, they have been the best troopers through everything. I pray everyday that God will bless these sweet kiddos. They have had to go through more in the past 8 months than any kid should ever have to.

Saying I am proud of them would be the understatement of the year. I can’t wait till I am done with all of this to see them truly enjoy life again. Hold your kids tight, make sure they know without a doubt that you love them and you are proud of them. Try to see life through their eyes and you will see how sensitive they are and how much they look up to you. No child should have to go through hard times, but if they do make sure you encourage them non stop along the way so they know they are not walking this road alone.

Mark 10:14
When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them ” Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

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One response to “She is Wise Beyond Her Years

  1. Anonymous says:

    so proud of all of you!

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