that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Humbled

on June 2, 2014

GodsTiming

I have been blown away!! I asked you all to share and boy did you come through. I have had emails from all over the world since the last blog I wrote. People are praying and requesting prayer for me in there churches! I am beyond humbled and in one night had a little over 600 views on my blog that took me well over the 10,000 view!! Seriously I am beyond humbled, all because I believe that you all truly care. I am working on getting something together to do a give away to one lucky reader. Hopefully I can get it together before surgery, but if I can’t then it will be soon!

Speaking of surgery, it has been scheduled for June 16th at 7:30 am… Nervous doesn’t even begin to tell you how I feel. I am trying to trust that God is going to bring me through this with flying colors, but the human in me is shaking and the anxiety has moved in and has made itself at home. I know God can bring me through this, but should something happen that takes me then I want to be prepared. I was telling my friend Lori tonight that it feels like that Tim McGraw song called Live like you were Dying. Only instead of a year, I have 2 weeks and that my friends is what scares me so bad!!

No I’m not giving up on my God that heals and delivers us from pain, but I also believed the same for my sweet Mama and He still decided to take her. We do not know our final time on this earth and we have to be prepared for the outcome if it doesn’t go our way. For me that unfortunately means sitting down and typing out letters. I have a letter that my Mama wrote to us when she knew she was going to die. It is now yellow and crumbly and the creases are starting to tear because of the thousands of times I have read it over and over. It’s one of my most cherished possessions and I want to give that to my own kids. I want to give that to my Daddy, my brother and sisters and my amazing Hubby.

It’s one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It’s tough to think of words to say when those words never seem like enough. Words that will be read over and over and possibly shared with others. Today I sat down and wrote some more letters and as I sat typing I had tears that flowed freely. Tears of begging God to let me make it through this surgery and to help me live a long life. I don’t want anyone to have these letters for a very long time!

It has been tough though since Thursday. I will be honest I haven’t had the best of attitude towards anyone. I’m snapping over the littlest things and flying off the handle when I don’t need to. All peace has left me and the fear of the unknown has taken over and I’m not sure how to handle it.

I’m hoping that a sooner date will open up, because I’m not sure how to handle myself for the next 2 weeks and the pain is seriously getting out of hand. It’s the same pain I felt when I first found out I had cancer. The meds are no longer strong enough and they are some pretty strong meds. I feel alone, scared, full of anxiety and the tears come quickly when I least expect them. Please please continue to pray for God to bring me through this surgery and for healing to be quick with as little pain as possible.

Again you all blew me away with your thoughts, prayers, emails and so much more. God knows that I need each and every one of your prayers. I pray you are each blessed beyond blessed and that God will provide for your needs and any tough trials that you are facing right now. He does hear our prayers. I fully believe He hasn’t brought me this far to just drop me! His plans are wayyyy bigger then ours!

Acts 5:16 Also a multitude gathered from the surrounding cities to Jerusalem, bringing sick people and those who were tormented by unclean spirits, and they were ALL healed

 

 

 

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