that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

A Happy Heart

on June 10, 2014

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I haven’t written in a few days as I have been busy enjoying life. Friday I got out of the hospital ran home and packed and my sister’s picked me up an hour and a half later and we headed to the outer banks to spend some time together. I had picked up my new antibiotics that morning and it said on the bottle that I need to be careful with being in the sun as it could cause serious burns. I told Darin that maybe I would wait to take them till I got home because I wanted to be able to enjoy the beach. I took them with me just in case I started feeling bad.

Shortly before we got there I went ahead and took one because I was afraid that I would get behind and didn’t want the infection to get out of control again. We got to the hotel and within 30 minutes I was sick. I mean someone was stabbing me in the stomach sick! My skin turned bright red and I knew that I was allergic. Thank God I brought some Benadryl with me and I quickly took some of that to try and reverse the effects. It took most of the late afternoon to feel remotely better to go out and take a walk along the shore with my sisters. It was such a beautiful weekend and the room was so nice!

When we got there a gift was on each of our pillows and we all opened them at the same time. My sister Becky had called ahead to the Christmas Mouse store and bought us all sister ornaments and had them delivered to the room. It was the sweetest thing and I can’t wait to display it on my tree this winter and remember this past weekend. Then my sister Laura gave us each bags with yummy smelling lotion and body spray from Victoria’s secret. I tell you those girls are full of surprises! I loved them all!

We walked along the shore and laughed till our sides hurt and had such a wonderful time and took some crazy pictures! Then we headed back to the room for a hard core game of Scrabble. 😉 I was shocked as Scrabble is a die hard family game and no one could ever beat our Mama, but don’t you know I won! Or maybe they let me, I’m not real sure. 😉 I started to feel pretty crappy again and after a while we all called it a night and slept hard. The next morning we headed for the beach to relax for the day. I was still feeling a little fuzzy and put my suit on and headed downstairs. After sitting in my chair for a while I got up to go get my feet wet and stood on the shore looking out at the ocean. I still am in awe every time I see it. God is amazing!

When I came back to my chair, Becky and Traci said is your suit supposed to look like that? I said look like what? Umm Sarah, I think you have your bottoms on backwards… Well after a little embarrassment I sat down in my chair as not to scare anymore small children! It’s pretty bad when you can’t even dress yourself anymore! 😉 After hours of relaxation we took showers and headed to a few stores and then Becky wanted to go for a drive up to Corolla and go 4 wheeling on the beach.

This is where my attitude came in and I still feel bad for it. I have gone beach 4 wheeling many times and every time I do it, it gets worse and worse for me. I honestly do not like it and would rather walk the beach then drive the beach. I gave a little attitude of not wanting to go and after a while they finally talked me into it. We didn’t stay on long as the sand was very soft and not good to drive on that day so Becky turned around and we left.

Darin and the kids were on there way to pick me up because Caleb was having his conformation service on Sunday and being baptized. I certainly didn’t want to miss that, but I was torn because I wanted to spend another evening with my sister’s. I knew they understood and when we got back to the hotel Darin was waiting. It was a quick goodbye as they were hungry and wanted to head out to dinner.

I wish I would have felt better and had a better attitude. I hate looking back on things and wishing things could have been different. I pray that this surgery is a success and maybe us girls can make this an annual tradition as we really never get to spend time together like we did this weekend. I’m truly blessed to have sisters and an amazing sister n law that is just like a sister.

Today I had my pre op testing done for next Monday… It was scary and made it all real. As I told my sister Traci tonight I have so many mixed emotions and raw feelings. I honestly believe that God is going to bring me through this, but those nagging feelings in the back of my mind try to tell me the “what ifs”. What if I don’t make it through, what if this is my last week on this earth, what if God decides this is it, what if don’t ever get to see my family again, My Dad, my sisters, my brother, my nieces and nephews, my own kids and sweet husband? It’s all so much and I feel like I am on the verge of a serious breakdown… but it doesn’t come and I know I need to have a good cry, but I can’t. I think if I do then I am giving in to the weakness.

A little girl in church yesterday was taken out by her Daddy and she was screaming, I DON’T WANT TO GO!!! I had to laugh because I said that is going to be me next Monday grabbing the door and saying I DON’T WANT TO GO!!! Just keep praying that God’s will is done through this surgery. Most specific of course is that I make it through, but also make sure that they are able to do it laparoscopic and not have to slice me from top to bottom. I just want this over and a quick, easy recovery.

I’m excited that this is the last week of school, so I am able to spend some longer evenings with my sweet kiddos! I can’t believe I will have 2 kids in middle school next year! We are so proud of them this year that even though they had to go through so much with me being sick that they were still able to have honor roll the entire year!

I know this is all over the place tonight, but I’m just sharing my heart. Hold your loved ones close because none of us are promised a tomorrow. Even though it was not the ideal situation this weekend with me being sick, I was so blessed to be able to share time with my sisters and watch our son get baptized.

Becky, Laura and Traci, I love you all so much! Becky thank you for planning this trip and driving and getting the room! I know you could have taken a nice trip with your hubby and you chose to spend it on us and for that I am grateful! Also for the sweet gift! Laura, I am so thankful for our time that we have got to spend together through this journey. You have sacrificed so much time to be with me through hospital stays and recovery at home. You have let me cry to you about this and it was nice to finally spend some time together outside of a hospital. Traci, you will always be my fourth sister! I am so thankful that God allowed you to be part of our family and I am so proud to call you my sister. Thank you all 3 for wanting to do this for me. I will never forget it and love you all!!

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice

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