that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Yesterday? Tomorrow? No, just Today

on June 20, 2014

one day at a time

One day at a time sweet Jesus, That’s all I’m asking of you, just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do, yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine, Lord help me today, show me the way, one day at a time…

Remember that one? It’s an oldie, but has always been a favorite. Whether sick or healthy, it has always been my prayer. Dear God, help me one day at a time. For obvious reasons it has truly been my prayer now. I can’t think about tomorrow anymore, I can’t think of next week anymore, I have to live in this minute, in this day. One precious day at a time is all I can do. I have no control anymore and I can’t hold onto what doesn’t matter anymore.

I remember as a teenager, I worried about growing up. Who would I marry, where would I live, what kind of wife would I be, what kind of Mom would I be. It eventually came down to I won’t worry about it because I just wouldn’t get married or have kids and then all problems and questions of my future would be solved. I just wouldn’t do it… God sure had a different plan for me. 😉 I remember walking down that aisle and looking into my future husband’s eyes and knowing finally what true love felt like. I remember holding each of our sweet babies when they were born and learning a whole new level of love that I never knew I could feel.

All that worrying when I was a teenager for nothing. God already had Darin picked out for me, He already had those sweet kiddos ready to bless us with. He even already knew that I would get cancer. We will never understand why God places different things in our lives whether good or bad, but He has a plan. We can stress and worry all we want, but only God knows the final outcome!

I can’t tell you how amazing I feel knowing that God is in control of everything in my life. I’m not scared of death, but I am scared of leaving our kiddos behind. But God knows what will happen in the end and He is big enough to love on those kids if anything were to happen to me. God knows how to help me through the next couple of months taking this new chemo. He already knows how sick I am going to get, He may even be planning the ultimate miracle for our family by healing me because He absolutely can do it.

If I stressed everyday about my future then I am closing the door on what God is going to do. Honestly I don’t think my story is done and I am anticipating something miraculous from our God! If He decides to take me, then oh what a day it will be when I stand before my God and lift my hands in glory praising Him for the life I was blessed to live on this earth! I will see my sweet Mama and my sister, my grandparents and friends that have gone before me! Oh what a day it will be. The way I look at it, is either way I win! So why would I stress over something that either way is going to be amazing!

Would I love to grow old with my sweet Hubby and one day sit on our front porch and watch our grandkids playing in the front yard? It’s been our dream for many, many years… The fact that there is a possibility that we won’t see that day is sad, but I have said this before, we are not promised tomorrow. We could get in a car accident tomorrow and be taken that way.

Nothing is promised to us and that’s why my prayer is, one day at a time sweet Jesus! I just need the strength to make it through each day. I need the strength to go through treatments again, I need the strength to hold our sweet babies and try to guide them as much as I can before God calls me home. I will open my eyes every morning and say God, I don’t know what your plan is, but you have allowed me to be on this earth for another day and for that I thank you.

There is so much hurt in this world today, friends who have sick children, sick parents, who are sick themselves. There are crimes being committed and innocent people being murdered. We shake our heads and say why God… why does it have to hurt so bad, but He has a plan and we have to trust Him to bring that plan full to completion. Is that you tonight? Is your heart so heavy worrying and stressing about things in your future or hurt in your life? Give it to God and pray for the strength to make it one day at a time.

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart

 

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4 responses to “Yesterday? Tomorrow? No, just Today

  1. Tammy says:

    Thank for so much for sharing your journey with us. You are an inspiration to me and a reminder to appreciate the little things as well as living each day with Gods purpose in mind. Praying for your healing, strength and precious time with your family.

  2. amy mason-armstrong says:

    I have just been introduced to your blog and story. I’ve read through a few of your entries and it is clear your faith is strong and God has given you an extra measure of strength at this very difficult and uncertain time. I cannot imagine what your family is going through and reading this reminded me of a very traumatic, uncertain time in our lives. I had allowed “weeds to overtake my garden” so when tragedy hit and I knew the only place left to turn was back to the God I had forsaken; it was not an easy thing to do. But the more I trusted Him, the stronger I grew. In the first days, I remember as He was sifting through the weeds to get to my heart so that I could hear Him again, I literally found myself praying minute by minute just to get through a day, crying and begging for Him to hear me. As those weeds began to clear, I felt his presence, I saw Him working, I heard Him again. And eventually I realized that it took a lot of responsibility off my shoulders and fear for the future away once I allowed myself to let God do what God does. He was going to do His job with or without my “permission” and He is already waiting at the finish line for us. I forget to trust Him still and let doubt creep back in but in my weakness He is made strong! He also knows that I am weak in this area and every time I feel a gentle nudge reminding me that He did not give me a spirit of fear and I can do anything through Him because He strengthens me. Stories like yours remind me that in ANY situation, we can live relying on His strength, His joy, and His peace! We (you, me, anyone who struggles in this fallen world) will be scared, we will be sad, we will doubt and question and may even get angry with a plan we can’t understand but even then His love never fails and He will comfort us especially in our weakness! Prayers!

  3. amy mason-armstrong says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! It is a reminder to each of us who read it that God’s strength will sustain us!

  4. Kathi Unterbrink says:

    Sarah what true words you have shared with this post. We absolutely know that God is in control at all times. We will never understand why He allows certain things to happen to us but on the other hand, why not? We are all sinners but we know that He has only the best in mind for us. Everyday is a day closer to Heaven for all of us and we thank God for each and every one. We love you and we are continually praying for you that God’s will be done. We hope to see you soon.

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