that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Get off the Dock!!!

on June 23, 2014

boat

The last time I was on a boat I was 10 and a half months pregnant with Caleb… Ok maybe 9 and a half months, regardless I was wayyyy overdue! I did fine as long as the boat was moving, but when it stopped I felt myself turning green and starting to relive dinner. I have avoided boats for the most part since then. I mean I can fish just as well on the surf as I can in the boat. 😉

Some friends of ours have a big boat and a small boat. He has taken the kids out in the small boat a few weeks ago and yesterday he texted Darin and wondered if we would like to go out dolphin watching today. This is when the fear kicks in and I start to come out with every excuse in the book not to go. Well, I just had surgery and the bumps might hurt, I might get sunburnt and that’s not good with my meds, I might fall out of the boat, I might have to pee while we are out, I might, I might… Bottom line is I didn’t want to puke and what would be worse is I didn’t want to puke in front of others. I was afraid!!!

Darin kept saying, you can do this honey, we will have fun! I finally agreed to go and said I would sit on their dock and fish while they went on a drive. When we got there John didn’t even give me a chance to say no. On that boat I went… Did I mention I was scared? I went to the front and sat down quickly and closed my eyes and tried to make my heart stop beating so fast. I think I mentioned I was scared… God and I had a little talk and I begged him to not let me get sick.

Then the engines came to life and we got further and further away from land. Once we got out of the no wake zone he took off and the wind started flowing through my hair. I started to breathe a little better and I felt my muscles relax and a smile came across my face and I realized that this felt awesome!! We went in and out of inlets and fished, we saw dolphins and even pulled up to the marina for ice cream! I had the best time relaxing and laughing and spending time with those I love!

We spent 4 hours on the water and I am so glad I didn’t stay on that dock! When I was thinking about it I realized how much our lives are just like that. How often do we allow life to pass us by while we stay on that dock. We are afraid to get our feet wet, we are afraid to get on the boat because it’s shaky and unsure and your feet aren’t on secure ground.

I know I have lived like this many times! Anxiety and fear take over and I have missed out on so much because I let it rule my life. Oh I could have trusted God to help me get through things, but my faith wasn’t there and unfortunately I only wanted to trust Him when I knew I would be able to get through things without being hurt.

Through this journey I have learned a whole new level of trust and I have had to get off that dock more often then I wanted too. I have been pushed to the edge many, many times and I have had to feel the fear of the unknown for quite sometime now. I have prayed to God to help me get through this and help me get through that and I have had to get in the boat and trust Him.

Since last Monday after hearing the news I heard I have been afraid and I have had one very large ugly cry breakdown. Today when I was riding on the boat I thought about my life and taking on those fears, the anxiety and I was reminded of the story where God stood up in the boat and He looked to the waves and the wind and He said, “Peace, be still.” My prayer is for God to takes hold of the fear, and illness in my body and say, “Peace, be still”. He can do it and I’m not going to wait on the dock for Him to do it. I am going to jump in with both feet and I am going to feel the wind in my face and know that God has this! He is in charge and at any time He can calm the wind and waves and bring peace to my body again!

I can’t wait for that day to be made whole again! It may not be here on earth, but I WILL be made whole again! What storms are you facing tonight? Are you staying on the dock and waiting for them to stop or are you in the boat with Jesus and giving Him control? Give it to Him tonight, He is the only one who can bring you peace through the wind and waves!

Mark 4:39 Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.

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3 responses to “Get off the Dock!!!

  1. Nina says:

    Sarah you are such an amazing woman, you are such an inspirations to all those around you. I too believe God’s got this. Love you …..

  2. Anonymous says:

    What a terrific way to look at what life has to offer us and how we seem to stay away due to our own fears. Your faith and strength are so inspiring!!!

  3. Sandra Hess Greenfield says:

    Yes Sarah your faith and strength are inspiring, I pray for you all the time, and requested prayer for you in church Sunday. I pray that God gives peace to you and your beautiful family Love You.

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