that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

How Fast are your Season’s Changing?

on October 5, 2014

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I lay in bed each night and hear the thump, thump, thump of the bass drums from the high school about a mile down the road. It tells me that fall is here. The open windows in our home and the orange leaves sporadically falling tell me that fall is here. Pumpkin whoopee pies, pumpkin cheesecake and pumpkin spice latte again tell me that fall is here.

However the pool is still open, I’m still wearing shorts, I’m still hanging my sheets on the line so the warm sun can dry them. I don’t know what happened, but somehow it’s October and I don’t know where my summer went. I only went to the beach maybe half a dozen times, I only got in the pool maybe the same amount and we didn’t spend many nights at all on the deck with a fire pit glowing in the background.

Then I am reminded that I have been sick most of the summer, I have been trying a lot of new drugs that make me forgot a lot of what is going on or has gone on. Before I knew what was happening, summer is gone and it’s starting to turn chilly and college football has been blaring on the TV all day on Saturday’s.

I couldn’t wait for summer to start because I guess I thought things would be different like I would feel better and things would go back to normal. However the summer was full of pain and hurt from the cancer. We did get to enjoy our road trip and although I had some days that were worse then others, for the most part that trip was what made our summer. We are still talking about it.

Now that the fall is in full swing, I am trying to wrap my mind around all that is going on. Activity after activity and somehow I’ve lost my energy. Now that the cancer has moved into the bladder it makes it a lot harder to stand for longer then 5 minutes or walk for any amount of distance. Everyday it’s a prayer of okay God, you woke me up. I need you to take control because I certainly do not have it! When I lay down in bed each night, I thank Him for getting me through the day. It may not be the way I would have liked to get through the day, but needless to say I made it.

When I think of how fast our seasons are changing, I think of how fast life is changing. We all rush from place to place in a hurry to enjoy the next thing or get to the next thing, when we just aren’t stopping to enjoy the moment we are in right now. I have some friends that are running from 6 in the morning to sometimes 10 or 11 at night with their kids activities.

When I think about how fast this year has gone by, it makes me sad that I have been either to sick or not in the right mind to enjoy it like I wanted to.

I’m changing things though. I have been trying to enjoy each day, no thinking ahead, no thinking behind, just dwelling in the moment of the day that God has provided me with. It’s hard, I won’t lie. Thinking about what the next week holds for us is tough because it’s another busy one. However I have to enjoy each day. If not the anxiety kicks in and then I can’t enjoy anything.

Seasons may change and months will fly by and what do you have to show for it? Stress? Heart pain? memories that flew by so quick that you can’t enjoy them? What will it take for you to slow down and just enjoy the days that fly by. I missed a lot of the summer, but I certainly will try to enjoy the fall!

You never know what God wants to say to you and if we are always on the run, you never want to miss the opportunity to hear from Him.

 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-22  For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

 

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3 responses to “How Fast are your Season’s Changing?

  1. Sandra Hess Greenfield says:

    I just love to read your post it up lifts me in so many ways, you are such a blessing to me. I continue to pray for you and your family. Love You!!

  2. Wendy says:

    I usually just quietly read these after Traci posts them. Sometimes you make me laugh, sometimes I think Gosh I was just thinking the same thing (like today and how fast the year has gone- how little time I felt like I had with my kids this summer and how I love Mondays bc it’s the only day none of them have any activities)…..but more often than not, you always humble me. Humble me to know that I take so much for granted and need to remember who gave me what I have and how blessed I am to have what I have. To slow down and enjoy it. Last night, I did just that. I layed in the room with my 3 small kids and just listened to them breathe. Each one so distinctive and yet in a beautiful rhythm. You are in my prayers daily! Thanks for sharing your journey and reminding me what’s always of real importance!

  3. Sharon says:

    I have had to learn to slow down and enjoy the present. I think everyone needs to be reminded of this. Thank you for reminding me again. I am still praying and love you and your family.

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