that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Life is Fragile

on October 8, 2014


Have you ever had your life flash before your eyes? I did a few times as a teenager, but today was something different. Today I had chemo and when I was almost done I started not feeling so great. Darin had just gotten there with Jax to pick me up to go home. I figured that I was just overly tired and sat back to wait for the chemo nurse to unhook my port so I could go.

After she unhooked me she ask if she had given me my schedule yet and I told her no. So she said don’t run off yet I’ll go get that and be right back. After she walked away, I suddenly started feeling terrible. Sharp pains in my stomach, itching and swelling my hands,  my heart was racing and I was turning blue. I literally could not get a breath in as hard as I tried. Darin looked at me and called over Jan the chemo nurse and she took one look at me and said dear God.

She grabbed her supply stand and shoved a needle back into my port and started meds and liquids in me, blood pressure cuff and o2 monitor came out. All I could do was close my eyes because everything just hurt. The Dr. came in and told the nurses what else they could do and finally after what seemed like hours, but was only about 30 minutes, my heart started slowing down and going back into rhythm. My color was returning to normal and I was able to take a full breath in.

I had to sit for about another hour to make sure it didn’t happen again. While sitting there I realized that God had just performed a miracle. This morning I had told Darin, why don’t we take separate vehicles instead of you dropping me off. That way when he would have had to go get Jax I could have just driven home like I do every chemo week. He wasn’t comfortable with that and told me that he would rather just pick me up.

The chemo nurse told me that if she didn’t have to get me my schedule and I would have driven myself home, she is sure that I would have never made it home and I would have died… God lined all that up perfectly that I could get the help I needed when I did.

What ended up happening was they give me a steroid as a pre med to prevent any side effects from the chemo. Well unfortunately that steroid does have an effect on me. For 2 to 3 days after chemo, I have anxiety so bad that I have wanted to kill myself. That’s what that steroid does to me. When I wake up the 4th day, nothing is wrong with me and I am normal again.

This morning I had ask them if they could not give me the steroid because of what it does to me. They said they had to give it to me, but they would half it and see how I tolerate that… Well obviously I didn’t tolerate that well at all. It was disappointing because now we are back to square one. However God had mercy on me today and although some of you may look at it like a small thing, it was a major miracle in my book. God spared my life today and for that I am so very thankful!

Has God ever spared your life before? Has He given you a miracle that you know without a doubt that He was with you? Today was that moment for me. I knew that He was with me, regardless of what happened and once again He spared my life. I can’t wait to see what plans He has for my life. I guarantee He has some great ones for your life too!!

1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses


One response to “Life is Fragile

  1. Sharon says:

    I remember hearing this saying years ago, “I know that I know”. When God touches our life we have no doubt about it! God is still in control. Still praying, still loving you!

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