that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

My Inner Demons

on October 12, 2014

prayer

Ever since what happened at chemo this past Tuesday, (read the last blog) something has been going on with me… First thing Wednesday morning, I went to the hospital to try and get my pain under control. I got drugged up pretty good and then sent home Friday on a Pain pump. By Friday night I was back in the ER to get the pain pump out. I couldn’t function, I couldn’t breathe and my anxiety was through the roof.

Ever since Friday, I have been afraid. Im not sure of what, but the fear is very real! I have been begging and pleading with God to make me whole again and to take the fear away. The burning in my stomach has been hurting so bad. I have been so sick and I am sure the anxiety has something to do with it. I have laid in bed and have literally been debilitated. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to get up.

I can only throw my hands up and cry, Hold me Jesus… hold me… I cry and I weep and I plead with Him to make me new again. I don’t want to be sick, I don’t want to have cancer anymore. The thought of more Dr.’s, hospitals, medications, chemo… it all is too much now. I have tried so hard to keep a smile on my face, I have tried not to allow all of this to get to me, but now it’s real and I am scared more than I can express.

It’s just a lot to take in right now. I know Jesus can heal me and I am waiting for His healing, so I continue to wait and I continue to pray. I get up and get dressed because I have too. I cant lay around and feel sorry for myself. I need His healing touch right now and I feel that I need to at least meet Him halfway.

If you pray, I could use your prayers right now. Prayers to take away this anxiety and fear that is so thick that it has sunk into my veins. Please pray for complete peace in my body, soul, mind and spirit. Please pray for me…

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind

 

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14 responses to “My Inner Demons

  1. Ada Hensley says:

    You are and will continue to be in my prayers. I pray that God will comfort and protect you, provide peace, reassurance, and unwavering strength.

  2. Sandra Hess Greenfield says:

    Sarah I am praying for you at this very second, please Lord give Sarah and her family peace and healing that only you can do, touch her body in a special way and let her know and feel that you are with her. Sarah our whole congregation at church is praying for you. Love You

  3. Wendy says:

    Holding you in my prayers- tightly!

  4. Missy says:

    Praying for you, with you. God is holding you close – even in the darkest of days. He does not like to see you suffer. My heart hurts for you, that you are going through so much yet you are one of the greatest moms I know. You do so much for others, now you need to rest and let others help you.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for your honest posts Sarah. I pray that you will feel and know the presence of God with you on this terrible journey. That you will find relief from pain and that the love and support of those around you will give you comfort.

  6. Judy Englert says:

    We are continually praying for you. May God give you His peace that passes all understanding.

  7. Kristen Fowler says:

    Praying Sarah for you and your family.

  8. Praying for you, that God will wrap His arms of love around you, give you peace and relief from your anxiety..

  9. Echo Hutchinson says:

    Sarah, I am praying for peace. I understand that feeling but in a different way. I have the memories of my moment back in February with my heart. It was scsry and well my blood pressure was bottoming out. I had a speed heart rate but no pressure.
    Your a strong Lady. I remember both you parents talk to me about you. A child of God and on Fire for him. When I read this I have a worship song in my head. I will post it when I figure it out. Stay strong and prayers are with you.

  10. Echo Hutchinson says:

    Sarah, I am praying for peace. I understand that feeling but in a different way. I have the memories of my moment back in February with my heart. It was scary and well my blood pressure was bottoming out. I had a speed heart rate but no pressure.
    Your a strong Lady. I remember both you parents talk to me about you. A child of God and on Fire for him. When I read this I have a worship song in my head. I will post it when I figure it out. Stay strong and prayers are with you.

  11. Bev says:

    Father, you are beyond all human understanding, your plans exceed any of our dreams, your power is greater than our imagination and your have the ability to heal all physical, mental and emotional ills and pains. Humbly we ask you to pour your Holy Spirit over our sister in Christ Sarah for healing and send your angels to comfort and ease all distress. May you hold Sarah and her family in the palm of your hand. May Sarah always know your presence Lord. We ask this in His name Christ Jesus. Amen.

  12. Micah says:

    I don’t know you, but I’m praying for you! I’ve struggled with chronic illness for half of my life. Doctors gave up on me and I went through countless treatments, etc.. It’s not an easy thing, and it can feel very, very lonely, but know that many people are standing with you. You can do it. This too shall pass. In the meantime, I’m praying for you!

  13. Bob says:

    Just seeking the Holy Spirit to come and clothe you in peace (total freedom from pain) and healing (the removal of all those demons that surround us).

  14. Sharon says:

    Sarah this verse of scripture brought such peace to me many years ago and is still as real today-“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”NIV Hebrews 11:1… God loves you no matter what. He is our hope and certainty when we don’t feel hopeful or certain. I weep with you as you are going through this time of anxiety and pain. I know what anxiety can do to us. But I also know someone who is stronger than any anxiety we can have. God knows your anxious thoughts and will renew your peace because He loves you I pray in the name of Jesus for complete deliverance for you, that you will feel HIs peace and know that the prayers of others will continue for you. Each time you feel anxious,I want you to remember that someone is praying for you . I love you and am praying.

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