that crazy cancer girl

My journey through cervical cancer

Bring the Rain

on May 23, 2014

lightning2

I curled up under the covers and was crying. I shook with fear as the lightning and thunder flashed and rumbled all around me. I just wanted it to stop, but it got louder and louder and then everything went dark. I screamed and then I felt Mom’s arms around me. She pulled me on her lap as I shed hot tears that ran down her neck. She always had this song that she would sing to me when it stormed…

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face,                                                                                                                                                                           While the storm howls above me, and there’s no hiding place.                                                                                                                                                          ‘Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry,                                                                                                                                                               Keep me safe till the storm passes by.  

Many times Satan whispered, “There is no need to try,                                                                                                                                                                  For there’s no end of sorrow, there’s no hope by and by”                                                                                                                                                               But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I’ll rise Where the storms never darken the skies.                 

 Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more,                                                                                                                                                           Till the clouds roll forever from the sky; Hold me fast,                                                                                                                                                                        let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand, Keep me safe till the storm passes by. 

When the long night has ended and the storms come no more,                                                                                                                                                          Let me stand in Thy presence on the bright peaceful shore; In that land where the tempest,                                                                                                            never comes, Lord, may I Dwell with Thee when the storm passes by”

Her voice sounded like the angels themselves and would lull me back into the most peaceful sleep. I still to this day do not care for thunderstorms. All 3 of our kids have enjoyed a good thunderstorm, but the occasional really loud crack of thunder will have them scurrying around screaming like crazy!

When I think of storms now, I am not thinking just of rain, thunder and lighting. Storms of life can be so much worse and we try and run away from the overwhelming feeling of fear. We don’t want to face something that could potentially hurt us. Once the storm has ended we feel like we can breathe a little better and we know that we will be ok. Since September I have been dealing with a storm that just doesn’t quit! Some days I get that overwhelming feeling that I’m not going to be okay! Then I will start to feel better and it seems as though the storm has passed. Give or take a few days and the storm is facing me again! These past couple of days it hasn’t just been physical, the emotional aspect of things are getting to me really bad.

If something could go wrong this week, it did. From family stuff to school stuff, medical stuff and so much more. I felt like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders. I looked towards the sky many times looking for the rain, but the sun was shining and it was warm and beautiful. I asked God why doesn’t the outside match the inside. If I have to walk through a storm can I at least feel the refreshment of a good rain?

Tonight the skies opened up and for a brief 10 minutes the thunder roared and the lightning flashed. The cool breeze came through my hair and I prayed, Jesus, bring the rain! Running to get in the truck I felt the cool rain on my face and I knew that God was giving me that refreshment that I needed so desperately. When I got home I texted my brother and sisters who are all facing storms in there lives right now. I needed to let them know that even though storms are raging that I am praying and eventually the storms will stop and the sun will come out again. I wish I could fix things not only for myself, but for so many others that are fighting those raging storms and the fear has taken over. I know that Jesus can calm any storm just as He did in the bible when He stood in that boat and said, “Peace, be still”. Then the storm went quiet and those with Him knew that He was the son of God.

I do have my days when I curl up under those covers and cry because it’s dark and the fear doesn’t allow me to face the storms, but God is with me and even though I can’t see Him, I can feel His presence all around me. He is helping me and although that storm is raging I don’t give up on Him because He is the one that created the rain, lightning and thunder. He is the one that can control every storm we face. Tonight my prayer is Jesus, bring the rain! Regardless of what I have to go through I pray to always keep my eyes on God and praise Him through every storm!

What about you? What storms are you facing right now? You feel sick knowing that the boat you are on is rocking violently and you don’t know how to stop the rain? Your scared and you feel alone, but you are not alone. God is with you and He knows what you need and the perfect time that you need it in. Don’t ever let yourself drowned in your storm. Fight to keep your head above water and listen carefully for when those words are spoke, Peace be still.

Psalms 107:29 He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed

 

                                                                                                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

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